"Hi. My name is James and I'm an alcoholic."
The British Medical Journal, in a study published from doctors at the U.K.'s Nottingham University Hospital, indicates that James Bond polishes off 92 units (each unit is about 0.3 ounces) of pure alcohol a week.
And the puns almost write themselves:
"One is not enough."
"Drink and let die."
"Tomorrow's hangover never dies."
After reading all 14 original James Bond novels doctors estimate that Bond drinks the equivalent of five vodka martinis or one and a half bottles of wine every day.
“He is also at high risk of suffering from sexual dysfunction, which would considerably affect his womanizing,” they wrote in the study published in the Christmas edition of the British Medical Journal.
Bond’s biggest daily drinking binge was in From Russia with Love, when he downed almost 50 drinks.
The team adds that Bond’s drinking would have led to some serious long-term ramifications, since it puts him into the level-3 category, “the highest risk group for malignancies, depression, hypertension and cirrhosis.”
They give him a life expectancy of just 56 years.
Alcohol is thought to be the cause of 4 percent of deaths worldwide, or 2.5 million deaths each year.