Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Kim Jong Il Memorial Haikus

Posted By on Tue, Dec 20, 2011 at 11:00 AM

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton described the border between North and South Korea as the scariest place in the world. Much of that scare factor had to do with the dystopia waiting on the other side.

Under the leadership of Kim Jong Il, North Korea was almost an Orwellian satire. It's a place where children were taught arithmetic by adding together the number of their family members killed by evil Americans, and the citizenry was taught to believe that Kim Jong Il's moods controlled the weather.

But it wasn't funny. After interviewing more than 1,000 refugees, South Korean charity Good Friends estimated that approximately 3.5 million people have starved to death in North Korea since 1995. All that while, Il drove a fleet of Mercedes Benzes and imported approximately $700,000 a year in cognac. His personal expenses were estimated to comprise 20 percent of the nation's budget.

He was a total d-bag.

After remaining in power for decades, inciting no shortage of international conflicts and making North Korea into a nuclear power, Il died over the weekend, leaving his youngest son as successor. As is our tradition with notable deaths, BW reached out to our staff and readers for memorial haikus. What people choose to remember, is up to them.

The results are below. Any additional memorial haikus may be left in the comment box below.

Lexy Leahy
Kim Jong Il is dead.
Kim Jong Il is really dead.
Kim Jong Il is dead.

Amanda Collins
tiny little man
big hair no soul sunglasses
can i have your shoes?

Boise Weekly
Only drove Mercedes
Drank Hennsey like a fish
His people starved

Jacob Whittaker
Built a pyramid
Made of concrete and sadness
Hotel? No, folly.

Julie Anderson
Kim Jong Il has died
Like a turd in a toilet
Flush him down the drain

Geoff Baker
Black hair dye kills the
insane dictator. So says
the Weely World News.

Boise Weekly
Always a sweet boy.
Sewn in the sky as Sun. Kim!
So Dear, our Leader

Kristi Marshall Jordan
I thought Granma died
But imagine my relief
It was Kim Jong Il

Kimberly M. Raymond-Jensen
Dictator Kim Jong
Wronery no long in hell
Satan shows him love

Todd Camack
You've lorded the North
with your iron-fisted rule;
now it's "Miller Time".

Todd Camack
Netflix wonders how
Revered Leader will return
"Team America".

Todd Camack
Platform shoes, big hair...
Satan really goes crazy
for a sharp-dressed man!

Colby Spath
Kim Jong you got il
On a slow train from China
Our hearts disobey

Todd Camack
Backwards pineapples:
not just reserved for Hitler
in Hell, anymore...

Todd Camack
Dead Kim Jong Il asks,
"What's with all of these haikus?"
Shut up, bend over!

Travis Browndyke
Kim Jong-Il never
again to see the sunlight
HOW DOES THAT DIRT TASTE

Todd Camack
Das ist merkwurdig-
Wasn't he "Dr. Strangelove's"
biggest Asian fan?

Todd Camack
On the other hand...
Wasn't he "Dr. Strangelove's"
SMALLEST Asian fan?

Zane Thelonious Norsworthy
Oh supreme leader
Death did not obey your laws
Who will stop your son?

Boise Weekly
North Korea has nukes
We don't like starving children
The UN must act

Annie Berical
Sun, what have ye done?
Anxious now to meet young Un
Hope: A new flavor!

Zane Thelonious Norsworthy
The last sound he made
Reverberated like this:
Clip, Clop, Clip, Clop, Thunk!

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