Monday, June 30, 2014

Mr. Cope’s Cave: Merideradication

Posted By on Mon, Jun 30, 2014 at 10:19 AM

If you visit the Weather Channel as much as I do, you, too, may have noticed that Meridian has disappeared. Yeah, the whole damn town.

Now, if you have lived in or have driven through Meridian at any time in the past 24 hours, you’re probably confused. Don’t tell me Meridian’s disappeared, Cope! I was over there just this morning because I found a guy with goats for sale on Craig’s List. The town’s still there as far as I could see. 

Yes, I’m sorry. I somewhat overstated the case. What I should have said was this: If you visit the Weather Channel as much as I do, you, too, may have noticed that when “Local On The 8s” comes on… and when they show the radar map of what storms are moving in and around Southwestern Idaho… there is now a conspicuous absence between the dot that represents Boise, and the dot that represents Nampa. Yeah, the whole damn dot that used to represent Meridian has disappeared.

Is that better?

I can’t tell you exactly when the Meridian dot was removed from the radar map. All I know is that it was there until a few weeks ago, and then it wasn’t. I know, too, that it was always there before, and you can trust me on that because I love watching “Local On The 8s”—especially the map with the radar, and especially on rainy days. And up until some recent point, I could count on seeing Meridian’s name next to it’s own little dot. I could watch a green glob pass over the dot where I live, then I’d look out the window to see if anything appeared to have been rained on in the past few minutes. Yup, they got it right. Green glob went right over Meridian, just like they said it did. 

Frankly, I didn’t think much about it, that Meridian had been eliminated from the radar map. I mean… so what, right? If Meridian doesn’t rate it’s own dot on the weather map anymore, I don’t particularly care.

I was a little curious, though. How could Meridian not rate it’s own dot when, by all accounts, Meridian is the fastest growing city in Idaho? In fact, if I heard right, it was reported about two weeks ago that Meridian was among the 10 fastest growing cities in the whole country!

Yeah! Suck on that, Boise!

And yet, we don’t rate a dot on the weather map? Huh?

But even then, I wouldn’t have wasted valuable blog space on this matter if it weren’t for the decision last week to change the name of our school district. Yes, from now forward, the Meridian School District will be called the “West Ada County School District.”

The reason I heard given for the change—not that I listened too carefully because, at this point in the relationship between myself and the town I was born and raised in, my only remaining concern is, Christ, do I really want to grow old and died in a congested, soulless, Californicated shithole like this?—is that since the district includes areas and students from all the adjoining congested, soulless, Californicated shitholes over here on the setting-sun side of Ada County, it is more accurate to lump them all together under a more inclusive title.

Again, compared to all the misery and strife and desperation in the world, all of this adds up to almost nothing. But it makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Is our bland and bloated bedroom community being prepared for something? Has someone, sitting in some boardroom somewhere, decided that the word itself—“Meridian”—is unsuitable for whatever they have planned?

Seriously, I don’t want to sound paranoid here, but could it be those interminably squabbling snots to the north of us in that pretentious little community of Eagle are making some kind of sneaky move to become the king of the western Ada County hill, and the way they’re doing it is by slipping, bit by bit, Meridian out of the picture?

And what’s next? Out on the freeway, will they take the word “Meridian” off the Meridian exit signs? Will Meridian-Kuna Road become “Kuna Road?” Maybe even repaint the big yellow water tower to read, Gateway to Star!?

Did I hear a rumor that the Meridian City Council is trying to find a way to change, without too many people noticing, the name of the Meridian City Hall to “The Tammy deWeerd Administration Building”? Might that cluster of faux-chic commercial excess down the road on Fairview, “The Village at Meridian,” soon be known as, simply, “The Village,” and might people from the surrounding 'burbs eventually forget there is, or ever was, a place called “Meridian?”

I promise you I will keep an eye on this matter and I will let you know the moment I learn anything new. You know… unless I forget to.

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