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Friday, November 28, 2014

Mr. Cope’s Cave: What Am I Missing?

Posted By on Fri, Nov 28, 2014 at 10:12 AM

Scooter? Jesus! What happened to you?

I’ll be OK, Mr. Cope. I just had a rough night, is all.

Couldn’t sleep, huh?

Uh-uh. The concrete was too hard, my fanny was too cold, and the other 500 people there were too noisy.

What?

At the WalBestTargBuyetMart. You know, the one you can see from the freeway.

That’s where you spent the night?

Most of it. I didn’t get there as early as I wanted because I went to the KohlbelaMaSearcys down by the mall for their Black Friday Eve Red-Tag Bonanza, and my ankle got sprained when this woman ran over me with a choo-choo train shopping cart she had three little kids crammed into. So by the time I got out of the emergency room, I was too late to get into the first wave at the WalBestTargBuyetMart Door-Buster Event. But I did manage to snag a spot next to a Dumpster where I could sit down. So it wasn’t too bad, except for people stepping on my feet all night long.

What in God’s name would get an adult to do such a thing?

I know exactly what you mean, Mr. Cope. Really, what kind of animal would take three little kids to a Black Friday Eve Red-Tag Bonanza, huh? And you know what?… I’m not even sure one of those kids was real. If you ask me, it looked like one of those Cabbage Patch dolls, only with pierced ears and lipstick.

No, what I mean is, what kind of idiot would subject himself willingly to such degrading insanity?

Are you kidding me? Didn’t you see the ads they sent out? I thought you get a newspaper everyday.

Well, yeah. But I sure don’t read all that trash advertising that comes inside of it.

Then you didn’t even know that KohlbelaMaSearcys had Kobe leather yoga wear at 40 percent off? And you’re calling me the idiot?

OK, what about the Wal…Test… Buy… whatever?

The WalBestTargBuyetMart? Even better. They had that thing I don’t have one of yet, and at half the normal price. 

That “thing you don’t have one of yet?”

You know. That new thing. I haven’t gotten one yet, and what kind of idiot wouldn’t want to get one at half price?

So? What does this new thing do? What’s it called?

Crimony, Mr. Cope! Where have you been? It’s the new HDBlueMP-ray3padXWiBoxFiTableTivo that ApSamSonySungHPle just rolled out. And I don’t know what it does exactly, because I don’t have one yet. Duh!

You waited all that time and didn’t get one of these… uh… ?

The HDBlueMP-ray3padXWiBoxFiTableTivo. And no, I didn’t get one. They ran out of them just before I could get to that department. I woulda got there in time, but this fat lady on one of those battery-powered shopping-cart buggies knocked me into a display of Bronco paraphernalia for newborns, and by the time I recovered, she’d grabbed the last one.

Ah. I’m sorry, Doodley. Guess you’ll have to wait and see what Santa brings, huh?

Santa my ass! That’s what?… a month from now? What kind of idiot would wait a whole month for something he doesn’t have one of yet?

Uh, one that pays full price for it? Perhaps?

I guess you’ve never heard of Cyber Monday, either. Gosh, Mr. Cope. I’d sure hate to be as out of touch as you. You don’t even know what you’re missing. 

Yeah, I suppose you’re right. But there’s an up-side to being so out of touch.

What’s that?

That I don’t know what I’m missing.

I don’t know what that means. I don’t get it.

I can see that. Maybe some day you will, though… after you get all the stuff you don’t have yet. I hope so, Junior.

Why?

Because you don’t know what you’re missing.
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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

2014 Holiday Markets and Bazaars

Posted By on Wed, Nov 19, 2014 at 10:56 AM

Bags of Halloween candy barely had time to get settled in their final resting places (shopping carts with big "Clearance!" signs on them) before their red-and-green cousins stuffed the coveted shelves in grocery store seasonal aisles. For some, it's demoralizing to see evidence of a holiday that is still several weeks away, while others are ready to fill the house with Santa figurines the minute Thanksgiving dishes are done.

Regardless which side of the Christmas chasm you’re on, here's a list of some of the holiday markets that can help excited little elves get started checking off their gift list early, and grouchy grinches can get some shopping out of the way.

Now Through Dec. 20

Boise Farmers Market
Saturdays, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., through Dec. 20, FREE, indoors at the Idaho Linen Supply Building, 516 S. Eighth St.

Capital City Public Market
Saturdays, 9 a.m.-1:30 p.m., through Dec. 20, FREE, Eighth Street between Main and Bannock streets

Weekend of Nov. 21-23

All Saints Episcopal Church Fifth Annual Holiday Bazaar
Nov. 21-22, Friday 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Saturday 9 a.m.-4 p.m.; FREE, 704 S. Latah St.

Canyon Country Christmas Show
Nov. 21-23, Friday 11 a.m.-9 p.m., Saturday 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Sunday 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; adults $4, seniors $3; Ford Idaho Center, 16200 Idaho Center Blvd., Nampa

Eagle Holiday Festival and Craft Market
Saturday, Nov. 22, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., FREE, Eagle Nazarene Church, 1001 W. State St.

Fifth Annual Robotics Craft Bazaar
Saturday, Nov. 22, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., FREE, Vision Charter School, 19291 Ward Lane, Caldwell
Get your holiday shopping done early and see some cool robotics demonstrations as you support FTC Robotics team 2997, Beauty Bot and the Beasts at their holiday craft bazaar. Bigger and better than ever, the bazaar features all types of vendors.

Handmade with Love Bazaar
Saturday, Nov. 22, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., $10, Idaho Black History Museum, 508 Julia Davis Dr.
Enjoy free hot apple cider or hot cocoa as you browse handmade items from crafters in the Treasure Valley. Donations to IBHM are always appreciated.

Meridian Friends Church Holiday Bazaar
Saturday, Nov. 22, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., FREE, 1021 Pine Ave.

Risen Christ Catholic Community Christmas Bazaar
Saturday, Nov. 22, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., FREE, 11511 Lake Hazel Road

Seventh Annual Meridian Medical Arts Charter High School Holiday Bazaar
Saturday, Nov. 22, 10 a.m.-3 p.m. FREE, 1789 E. Heritage Park Lane

Wintry Market: Handmade for the Holidays
Saturday, Nov. 22, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, Nov. 23, 10 a.m.-3 p.m., FREE. El Korah Shrine 1118 W. Idaho St.
Innovative and original items produced by 44 vendors from around Idaho, plus a Kids' Craft Workshop by Bricolage, coffee by Joe 2 Go, donuts by Guru Donuts, food truck by P. Ditty Wraps, local live music curated by Go Listen Boise and a winter-themed photo booth.

Dec. 1-13

26th Annual Ada County Employees Holiday Bazaar
Monday, Dec. 1, 7 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Ada County Courthouse, 200 W. Front St.
Open to the public, one hour free parking.

Boise Christmas Show
Dec. 5-7, Friday 11 a.m.-9 p.m., Saturday 11 a.m.-7 p.m., Sunday 11 a.m.-5 p.m., adults $5, seniors $4, children 12 and younger FREE. Expo Idaho, 5610 Glenwood St.

Boise International Market: Multicultural Holiday Bazaar
Saturday, Dec. 6, 8 a.m.-8 p.m., FREE, 5823 W. Franklin Road
Find unique international gifts, clothing, shoes, jewelry, accessories, food, coffee and teas. There will be music, dancing and other activities.

Hip Holiday Craft Market
Saturday, Dec. 6, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., FREE, Flying M Coffeegarage, 1314 Second St. S., Nampa
Tis the season to shop local and handmade from over 30 of the valley's finest, hippest crafters and artists.

Georgia Wadsworth Benefit Holiday Bazaar
Saturday, Dec. 13, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., FREE, Nampa Senior Center, 207 Constitution Way, Nampa
Check out the vendors, entertainment and music by CYMRY, food from Cacicia's, balloon twister, face painting and even photo ops with Santa himself. Wadsworth passed away Sept. 12, and proceeds from a raffle will help her grandchildren buy a headstone for her grave.

Hidden Springs Bizarre Bazaar
Saturday, Dec. 13, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., FREE, Dry Creek Mercantile, 5892 W. Hidden Springs Dr.

Idaho Arts Charter School Holiday Bazaar
Saturday, Dec. 13, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., FREE, 1220 Fifth St. N., Nampa
Get your holiday shopping done by choosing among handcrafted items such as hats, scarves, pottery, jewelry, artwork, baked goods, and more from over 25 vendors. Free photos with Santa and soup lunch are available.


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Friday, November 29, 2013

Mr. Cope's Cave: Good Morning, Sunshine!

Posted By on Fri, Nov 29, 2013 at 1:00 PM

How are you, this bright, fine day? Say, did you happen to see Savannah Guthrie’s teeth this morning? Is it my imagination, or were they even bigger than normal?

Jeez, Cope! That was uncalled for... making some rude crack about the size of some nice woman’s teeth. And who do you think you are, anyway? I suppose your teeth are just the right size.

Oh, calm down. I was just making small talk. The truth is, that entire opening was an experiment. I don’t really give a crap about how big Savannah Guthrie’s teeth are, and I’m just pretending to call you “Sunshine.” I’ve never called anyone “Sunshine” in my life, and meant it.

The deal is, I’m still trying on tones for this blog thing. The next time, I might start with something like, “Hey turd! Don’t you have anything better to do than sit on your fat ass in front of a computer and piss away your time on websites like this?”

Furthermore, I have no idea if it’s a bright, fine day, or if Mount St. Helens blew again and it's raining ash and fire and we won’t see the sun again until all plant life is dead and we’re wading through the corpses of our neighbors, looking for something unputrid to gnaw on.

See, I’m writing ahead. I don’t want to get caught short on blog material. Who knows if I’ll have anything to write about on the day this appears. And when I committed to doing this, I was advised against doing it hit or miss. Like, you see in a lot of individual’s blogs that they were all full of things to say for about the first three or four entries, and then they peter out like some hyperactive kid falling asleep.

I don’t want to do that. And the only way I can be sure I’ll have something to say... say, eight or nine days from now... is to say it now and keep it in the freezer until I need it.

Of course, that detracts considerably from the spontaneity of the thing. But let me tell you something: Spontaneity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. That Rob Ford guy, for instance. You know who I mean... the body Chris Farley was re-incarnated into, which somehow ended up Lord High Mayor of Toronto. Now, that guy is spontaneous.

•••

No, if this material you’re reading at the moment shows up in the blog shop on the day I suspect it will, it means I wrote most of it days ahead. And if I’m right, it’s now the day after Thanksgiving—Black Friday—and I have nothing to say about Black Friday you haven’t heard before. Except maybe this:

If you’re one of the pathetic sacks of meaningless crap who camped out days ago in front of some cheesy consumer trap so you could be among the first in line to get your new toy...

...or even worse: if you are one of the pathetic sacks of meaningless crap who were out shopping yesterday (Thanksgiving Day), thereby encouraging those cheesy consumer traps to demand that their employees turn their backs on their loved ones on one of the two days on which we used to suspend commerce out of respect for familial love and the dignity of individuals as something other than a monkey on a money-grinder’s leash...

...then you are despicable.

I blame you even more than I blame the stores for this vile circumstance. After all, corporations—like sharks—exist only to feed and grow, and it’s a fool’s illusion to think they will ever behave differently out of such values as conscience or compassion.

But you—that sack of meaningless crap upon which they feed—you should know better. You should know that the poor clerk who ran your new had-to-have-it, Chinese-churned-out gee-gaw through the check-out line, needed desperately to be home with her loved ones, that one day, yesterday. That, and hopefully Christmas, that’s all she asked. Out of the whole year, Thanksgiving and Christmas are the most she could expect, that on those days, she could share wholeheartedly in the joy of being among those people for whom she does it all, for whom she slaves away there on her bad feet for eight or more hours a day, every day, month after month, putting up with slobby, thoughtless, rude, greedy, childish assholes like you, and with a corporate-mandated smile on her face and a “Have a nice day” when she’s done with you. Two days, that’s all she’s hoped for. For the health and well-being and nourishment of her soul, that’s all she’s hoped for.

But no, you had to have it, didn’t you?... that Chinese-churned out gee-gaw. And the corporate honchos (who, incidentally, spent yesterday with whatever family can still stand to be around them in some rich-dick squat like Aspen or Kuwait) made damn sure you’d get it. Your new toy. Because getting your money for that f***ing thing is more important to them than the people who sold it to you.

You sack of crap.

•••

OK, Sunshine. That’s it for now. Have a nice day, what’s left of it, okee-doke?

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Saturday, November 2, 2013

Need Something To Do Saturday?

Posted By on Sat, Nov 2, 2013 at 8:25 AM



Goodbye, Halloween. Hello, Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

The end of the year is approaching, and that means it's time to buy stuff. At the Eagle Holiday Bazaar you can peruse handcrafted gift items from local artisans while you listen to holiday music (against your will, perhaps) and get pumped up for the holidays. Jingle all the way.

9 a.m. Suggested $1 donation. Eagle High School, 574 N. Park Lane, Eagle, 208-939-2189, eagleholidaybazaar.com.
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Saturday, May 11, 2013

Need Something To Do Saturday?

Posted By on Sat, May 11, 2013 at 6:00 AM

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Mother's Day is tomorrow. If this is news to you, take a moment to pat down the those hairs that just stood on end, take a deep breath and keep reading.

Today from 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Fusions Glass Studio at 347 S. Edgewood Lane in Eagle will host Share a Glass Experience. Create a fused glass project with your mom, make a $5 I Love Mom glass sun-catcher or check out any of the other glass projects while eating cookies and drinking tea.

Make a day of it with your mom, or sit down alone and hammer out something precious for her because if you show up for brunch tomorrow empty handed, your mom will give you a look you'll never forget.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Video: New Starbucks Blend Will Put You Back $7 a Cup

Posted By on Wed, Nov 28, 2012 at 3:11 PM

A half-pound bag of Geisha / Costa Rica Finca Palmiera costs $40
  • A half-pound bag of Starbucks' Geisha/Costa Rica Finca Palmilera costs $40.

Coming soon to a Starbucks near you: a $7 cup of coffee.

Starbucks has unveiled its most expensive coffee yet—a rare Costa Rican blend known as "Geisha"—that costs $40 for half-pound bag, $6 for a tall cup and $7 for a grande, according to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

For now, the Geisha variety is only available in 48 stores, half of them in Seattle, and the stores can't keep it in stock. According to the Post-Intelligencer, an online Starbucks offering the blend earlier this month sold out in 24 hours.

Jimmy Kimmel even got in on the craze on his late-night show. You can watch that below:

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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Need Something To Do Sunday?

Posted By on Sun, Nov 25, 2012 at 6:00 AM

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If you're like us at Boise Weekly, you had work to do on Black Friday. (And what a drag that was, missing the endless lines just to get into the mall; lacking bruises to prove you were first in line at Best Buy when the 60-inch TV deal was announced.)

But really, if you're actually anything like us, your ideal holiday shopping experience is far, far away from the mall, and the thought of $200 Playstation 3 sounds about the same as a $2 oil drum full of off-brand mayonnaise.

For us, there's the Edwards Greenhouse Holiday Open House, Sunday, Nov. 25, between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. Edwards, 4106 Sand Creek St., Boise, will host local vendors hawking their wares, a wine tasting, refreshments and Santa Claus.

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Thursday, June 14, 2012

H&M Will Take Over Borders Space at Boise Towne Square

Posted By on Thu, Jun 14, 2012 at 11:25 AM

The former Borders outlet will become an H&M store.
  • The former Boise Towne Square Borders location will become an H&M store.

The Boise Towne Square mall will soon welcome a new retail shop that is sure to provoke a mad dash similar to the Nordstrom Rack hullabaloo.

Swedish clothing company H&M plans to open its first Idaho outlet, filling the space formerly occupied by Borders books, next to the Cheesecake Factory at the mall. The location has remained empty since the Borders chain went out of business in 2011.

An exterior remodel of the 22,000-square-foot space will put the look in line with other H&M stores. The chain is known for featuring affordable yet fashionable clothing and accessories for men, women and children.

The Boise H&M store will join more than 200 locations scattered across the United States. As of now, the closest outlets are in Salt Lake City and Portland, Ore.

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Monday, June 11, 2012

Boiseans Celebrate Loyalty to Local Businesses

Posted By on Mon, Jun 11, 2012 at 3:04 PM

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Boiseans took advantage of the sunshine on June 10 to celebrate the Gem State at Think Boise First’s Loyalty to Local event. Families gathered in the welcome shade of the gazebo at Edwards Greenhouse to peruse booths from local businesses, create upcycled craft projects, nosh on local food-truck fare and sample beers from Payette Brewery.

“This is the first Loyalty to Local,” said Annabelle Gardner, event coordinator for Think Boise First. “It’s kind of the kickoff for a month-long celebration of local independence in general.”

Think Boise First is spending the month of June promoting awareness of local businesses, ending with a July 4th celebration for Local Independence Day. The events focus on achieving community sustainability through practices like buying from local businesses, recycling and upcycling.

A craft table at Loyalty to Local allowed children to build canvasses from recycled and discarded materials. Volunteers from ReUse Market were kept busy by a large crowd of crafty kids, who surrounded the table while their parents met with local businesses at booths around the gazebo’s edges. Live music from local artists complimented the buzz of activity.

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For Gardner, Loyalty to Local was an opportunity to show Boiseans some of the ways they can support local sustainability.

“We want to show people what’s out there,” she said. “People care about it and they want to support their community but they’re not entirely sure how they can do that.”

Think Boise First is looking forward to new opportunities to help Boiseans practice sustainability, and to better the city in the process.

“Promoting local businesses not only empowers the community, it keeps business here, keeps jobs here and keeps money here,” said Gardner.

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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Exercise Your Green Thumb Today at Loyalty to Local

Posted By on Sun, Jun 10, 2012 at 10:35 AM

It's time to harness your inner artist and foodie and watch the two worlds collide in a burst of green.

Think Boise First and Edwards Greenhouse are inviting community members to join them for Loyalty to Local, a free event featuring local businesses and organizations. The event will include Calle 75 street tacos, Bucksnort Rootbeer, suds from Payette Brewery, live music from local bands, and a raffle full of local treats.

Volunteers from ReUse Market will teach Boiseans upcycling techniques for making canvases out of recycled wood, vinyl and fabric. And green-thumbed guests can take home seedlings in pots made out of recycled paper towel rolls.

Loyalty to Local takes place today, Sunday, June 10, from noon to 5 p.m. at Edwards Greenhouse. All ages are welcome.

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