A TINY LITTLE SPEEDBUMP ON THE ROAD TO APOCALYPSE 

A TINY LITTLE SPEEDBUMP ON THE ROAD TO APOCALYPSE

Hey! Maybe humanity isn't entirely insane! Last week, the company which had been offering to clone your cat for a cool 50 grand closed its doors due to lack of interest. The biotech firm Genetic Savings and Clone announced the end of business in a press release which explained that they are "unable to develop the technology to the point that cloning pets is commercially viable." What they meant to say is that they couldn't find enough suckers to spring for a cloned cat even after they dropped their price to $32,000 per cat. Since opening for business in 2000, the company has created five cloned cats and sold only two. Animal rights activists were elated to hear the news. "We're very pleased that Genetics Savings and Clone's attempt to run a cloning pet store was a spectacular flop," said Wayne Pacelle, head of the Humane Society of the United States. "It's not just a bad business venture, but also an operation grounded on the misuse of animals." (AP)

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU--FOOL ME FOUR TIMES, GO TO JAIL

A Spanish woman who managed to successfully cheat her ex-husband out of over a million Euros in ransom money for three faked kidnappings of their son was finally arrested after letting her greed get the better of her. According to Spain's El Mundo newspaper, it was during the fourth faked kidnapping that the father got suspicious and hired a private detective to unravel the scheme. The woman was arrested last week along with five accomplices including her 15-year-old son who had played along by calling his father and begging him to pay the ransom money.

MEN ARE ALL ALIKE, EVEN IF THEY'RE FISH

From the extremely strange scientific experiments department comes news that researchers at a Swiss University have concluded that fish can be turned on by fish pornography. The scientists (if you can call them scientists and still keep a straight face) showed 17 male stickleback fish two different films, one showing a flirtatious courtship between a male and female stickleback, the other simply showing a male caring for his brood. After the foreplay, the researchers found that the fish who had seen the "soft porn" ejaculated much more sperm than the fish who watched the boring film. Unfortunately, they didn't explain how they managed to get a fish to watch the film, nor where they got a hold of that hot fish porn. (New Scientist)

WOMEN ARE ALL ALIKE, EVEN IF THEY'RE FISH

But wait, there's more from the "Scientific Research That Smells Fishy" department. According to a book about strange animal behavior, brown trout sometimes fake orgasms in order to force their male partners to ejaculate prematurely. They do this, supposedly, in order to fool the male into thinking he has successfully mated so that the female fish can ditch him and go find a sexier male for some real action. No word on how (or why) researchers figure this shit out ...

GRANDPA Doesn't Have Alzheimer's, he's jUST STONED

Good news for aging potheads. Research published in the science journal Molecular Pharmeceutics has found that smoking marijuana may help stop the onset of Alzheimer's disease. The study found that marijuana's active ingredient, delta-9-tetrahydocannabinol (THC), was able to preserve the levels of a neurotransmitter which is vital for brain function as we age. Researchers also found that THC blocks clumps of protein which inhibit memory and cognition in Alzheimer's patients. The strangest thing about this news is that Alzheimer's patients suffer from memory loss, impaired decision-making, and diminished language skills, which are exactly the same side-effects of getting baked. (CNN)

JUST TOSS YOUR DIRTY GINCH ANYWHERE

The good folks over at UrbanJunkie.co.uk now sell the ultra-convenient Laundry Rug. "Since you're going to throw dirty clothing on the floor anyway, throw it in the general direction of the Laundry Rug!" explains the Web. "When you've accumulated a decent pile of dirty laundry, just pick it up by the side handles. A drawstring around the edge converts the rug into a bag, as you head to mom's house or the laundromat."

Get waaay more bizarro news at www.curioustimes.com.

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