BE EXTRA CAREFUL WHERE YOU PUT YOUR PENIS
A South African inventor has created a new female condom designed to stop rape by hooking sharp barbs of wire into a man's penis if he tries to sexually assault a woman wearing the device. The "Rapex" is worn like a tampon and will grab hold of a man's penis and attach itself to his dick until he gets to a hospital to have the metal barbs surgically removed. "Nothing has ever been done to help a woman so that she does not get raped and I thought it was high time," said inventor Sonette Ehlers. So far, the bizarre contraption has been tested by women for comfort and been unleashed on a plastic male model, but no human volunteer has yet been found in order to test the device in real world conditions. (Yahoo News)
THE ORGASMATRON IS REAL
A scientist who accidentally invented a machine which can give women an orgasm at the touch of a button is shocked that he is unable to find enough volunteers in order to test the device for FDA approval. "I thought people would be beating my door down," said Dr. Stuart Meloy, who created a device which stimulates a certain area at the base of a woman's spine which reflexively produces an orgasm. Dr. Meloy discovered the unique ability of his device while trying to cure back pain in a patient by inserting a device similar to a pacemaker under the patient's skin and sending a small electrical current up her spine. Surprisingly, the current was able to automatically give his patient an orgasm, so he switched the focus of his experiments and believes he has now perfected the orgasm machine. Now he simply needs enough volunteers to continue FDA testing in order to receive approval to market the device. (BBC)
THE ENDS OF THE WORLD
If the Katrina disaster has got you thinking about things like the end of the world, there is a highly informative Web site at www.exitmundi.nl which lists every conceivable doomsday scenario which could end the world as we know it. Conveniently organized under the headings "Any Day Now," "Near Future," "Distant Future," and "Religious," this site lists every possible scenario from alien invasion to zombie takeover. Of course the list includes the obvious catastrophes such as the earth being hit by a huge asteroid, but did you know that we might also be wiped out by hungry molecules which devour the entire planet, or that a science experiment in particle physics could create a chain-reaction which accidentally disintegrates every atom which composes the Earth? Also on the menu are slow boring deaths, such as the world population slowly declining to zero because of rapidly falling human fertility due to all the pollution in the atmosphere, and far-too exciting scenarios, like mass insanity, robot rebellions and our pets turning against us. Go fan the flames of your paranoia at www.exitmundi.nl.
PEOPLE ARE EVEN DUMBER THAN YOU THOUGHT
According to Dr. Jon D. Miller, a political scientist who studies how much Americans know about science for institutions such as the National Science Foundation, one in five Americans believes the Sun revolves around the Earth. (NY Times)
TALK TO GOD FOR A NICKEL
Since God isn't answering his phone or returning his messages, a church in the Philippines has set up a prayer line where you can simply text-message your desires to the Almighty. The "Text Mary" project has become a huge fad in that country, with thousands of faithful texting their requests for lotto winnings, jobs and lovers. The prayers are then added to the daily mass held at the Philippine Catholic Church and in the prayers of Carmelite nuns. Each prayer costs around five cents, with the proceeds supposedly going to help the poor. Of course, if prayer worked the church wouldn't really need to create money-making schemes to feed the poor, would they? (Philippine Daily Inquirer)
LET ME MAKE YOU HAPPY, BABY
The medical journal Archives of Sexual Behavior has published some remarkable findings from researchers at New York University which seems to indicate that a man's sperm contains anti-depressant chemicals and hormones which make woman happier. The study logged the sexual activities of 300 women and found that women who had sex without condoms were happier than women who had sex with condoms or women who didn't have sex. The study also found that women who have unprotected sex were less likely to commit suicide, but became increasingly depressed the longer they went without sex.