DON'T LET ME STOP YOU FROM SLEEPING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND'S SPOUSE • HOW TO MAKE MONEY OFF DESPERATE OLD PEOPLE • INSTANT WATER—JUST ADD WATER • YOU'LL BE REALLY SORE AFTER THIS WORKOUT • DOOMSDAY A 

DON'T LET ME STOP YOU FROM SLEEPING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND'S SPOUSE

If you're looking for an excuse to indulge in some of your favorite vices this week, take your cue from a report released by Ivy League professors, which confirms that when you look back on your decisions, you are far more likely to resent your virtuous behavior and regret missing out on the juicy moments in life. The authors of this report suggest sleeping in when you can, having that extra rich dessert, phoning in sick for any old reason and splurging on whatever useless consumer item catches your fancy. After all, when you're 80, you won't regret any of it. "Many times, people have a problem in that they over-control themselves—they don't indulge enough and allow themselves to let go, postponing indulgence," explained Dr. Ran Kivetz of the Columbia Business School. "As time passes and we have more perspective, guilt dissipates very quickly and what you're left with is the feeling of missing out on life. In the long run, people really regret not choosing the vice." (NY Daily News)

HOW TO MAKE MONEY OFF DESPERATE OLD PEOPLE

Of course, the previous advice only holds true if you actually get old and die someday ... but you might not. A team of scientists in South Korea claim to have created a synthetic molecule that will help stop the aging process in humans and even reverse aging at the cellular level. Professor Kim Tae-kook, head researcher of the Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology, said that the new molecule, named CGK733, can keep cells youthful far beyond their normal life span and can even rejuvenate older cells which have already slowed down and stopped dividing. "Theoretically, this can give youth to the elderly via rejuvenating cells,"said Kim, who seems to honestly believe that absolutely no detrimental side effects will be found once clinical trials on this molecule begin. If he's right, which he isn't, CGK733 could be commercialized and available for the public within 10 years. (Korea Times)

INSTANT WATER—JUST ADD WATER

A Danish inventor hopes to put a dent in the world's drinkable water shortage with a cool new drinking straw that purifies the water as you drink. Torben Vestergaard Frandsen has created the LifeStraw, a flute-sized device which has several built in filters to remove bacteria and parasites from the water as it is sucked through. Frandsen hopes his invention will help solve the problem of water-borne diseases, which kill about 6,000 people every day in developing countries. (BBC)

YOU'LL BE REALLY SORE AFTER THIS WORKOUT

The new fitness craze in New York City is a class called "Slavercise," in which students clad in face masks, dog collars, rubber suits and various other S&M paraphernalia are whipped into shape (literally) by a dominatrix named Mistress Victoria. "If you don't keep up, you get punished," warns the Mistress, who commands the class through a series of sado-masochistic aerobic exercises. "I don't want to hear any whimpering," she adds. "You're here to suffer." (Reuters)

DOOMSDAY ALERT

Two astronomers at the San Diego Supercomputer Center have warned that the Milky Way may collide with the Andromeda galaxy in about three billion years. The two galaxies are currently 23 billion kilometers apart and traveling towards each other at over 400,000 clicks per hour. (New York Times)

REALLY CHEAP DRUNKS

A study by two psychologists at Victoria University in New Zealand found that test subjects who thought they were drinking alcohol began acting drunk even though they had only received tonic water. The experiment split 148 students into two groups and fed all of the students several glasses of tonic water. However, one of the groups was told that they were drinking vodka, and that group was found to be more suggestible, had worse recall and made significantly poorer witnesses than the "sober" students. After being told the true nature of the experiment, the "drunk" students insisted that they felt drunk, which would explain why they had been giggling and flirting with the researchers throughout the experiment. (BBC)

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