Happy Little Elves • My Spidey Sense is Tingling • How to Melt Your Brain 

HAPPY LITTLE ELVES

If you're bored by the usual hallucinogenic drugs you've been taking, it might be time to try and score some DMT. That is, if you can believe the tales of a man who probably took more mind-altering drugs than any other single person in the world. According to Terrance McKenna, the now-deceased researcher of all things psychoactive, people who take DMT are greeted by a world populated by a bizarre species of beings that he calls "self-transforming machine elves." McKenna claims that all DMT users experience these beings, who, after several DMT trips, begin to try and communicate with the tripper. The experience can be terrifying, he warns, but assures us that "a touch of terror gives the stamp of validity to the experience because it means 'this is real.'" The "elves," apparently, bathe you in love and say "don't worry ... try not to be amazed. Try to focus and look at what we're doing," as they begin to teach you their language. Unfortunately, the language is so alien that, McKenna says, it "cannot be Englished." Too bad, because I'd love to know what kind of drugs those self-transforming mechanical elves are on. (Deoxy.org/mckenna.htm)

MY SPIDEY SENSE IS TINGLING, BECAUSE I'M ON LSD

Speaking of hallucinogenic drugs, after all these years, somebody finally posted pictures of spiderwebs created by spiders on various drugs including hashish, caffeine and LSD. I'm quite sure that these photos are not just another Internet legend because I read this story in a newspaper way back before the Web was born, and I always wished I had saved that article. According to the site, this study was carried out in 1982 by researchers at Princeton University, and was called "Spider Communication: Mechanisms and Ecological Significance," whatever that means. This Web site also has a few cool scans from a 1954 issue of Life Magazine, which shows the technique a researcher used in order to feed drugs to spiders. Check it out at Cannabis.net/weblife.html.

HOW TO MELT YOUR BRAIN

Of course, you don't need psychedelic drugs for an altered view of reality since there are plenty of great films that can do the trick. To my surprise, I found a Wikipedia entry called "Mindfuck," which is defined as "a slang term which describes a work that uses literary devices such as nonlinear storytelling and plot twists in order to present convoluted, yet not conflicting, themes." This entry even has a very helpful list of films that fall into the Mindfuck category, including a few of my all-time favorites such as Fight Club, Brazil, Blade Runner, Memento, 12 Monkeys, Being John Malkovich, Pi, Twin Peaks (the TV show) and Videodrome.

TIME FOR A JIHAD ON INTOLERANCE

A car dealership in Ohio is rethinking its advertising campaign after word leaked out that they were planning a "jihad"-themed sales event including "Fatwa Fridays" with free rubber swords for the kids. "They are planning on launching a jihad on the automotive market and their representatives would be wearing burqas," explained Adnan Mirza of the Council of American-Islamic Relations. He called the ads "reprehensible" and promised that the Council would be contacting the dealership to "offer some kind of cultural or sensitivity awareness training." (Reuters)

WHAT THE FUCK? QUOTE OF THE WEEK

A Reuters story about a stray dog that refused to budge from the home of a recently deceased Rabbi included this possible explanation for the animal's strange behavior: "Sometimes the souls of sinners, such as adulterers or people who slept with non-Jews, enter the body of a dog," explained Rabbi Yitzhak Basri, a Kabbalah scholar. The dog was finally moved after a redemption ceremony was performed at an Israeli cemetery.

FREE RIDES, FREE SNACKS

If you happen to be in Gurnee, Illinois, during October, you can go on rides at the Six Flags Great Amusement Park for free simply by eating a live, three-inch-long Madagascar hissing cockroach. Unless, of course, you support PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), who have called on the park to end the promotion because it is "gratuitously cruel" to cockroaches. I wonder if you could appease PETA by swallowing the bug whole and then vomiting it back up alive after your first spinning ride? (NBC5.com)

Get waaay more bizarro news at www.curioustimes.com.

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