His Choice of Lodging Stunk, Too 

Did you ever wish the government would lock up all of society's stinkiest members? You know the type: Their cloud of bromhidosis is so ripe, so dense, you can almost hear it--and you definitely taste it. The odor so dominates your memory of these people that if asked to provide a witness statement, you'd make sure to feature the smell prominently in the description.

Well, your royal hygienic highnesses, as of last Monday you're one step closer to your uppity wish of getting rid of us--er, I mean, them. That night, New Mexico State Police troopers arrested Michael Johnson, 55, of Eagle, a fugitive from Idaho who an assault victim once described to officers as "bearing pungent body odor, as if he hadn't showered in a while." That victim, an employee at Home Furnishing Liquidators in Ontario, was roughed up by a robber who used a saw-blade as a weapon. Police later figured this desperado to be Johnson, who had escaped from a South Idaho Correctional Institution work crew earlier that day.

Disappointingly, officers didn't catch Johnson by using a scratch-and-sniff wanted poster, as this author suggested in the days following the crime (BW, True Crime, "Ontarison: No Lam Neceffeur," August 30, 2006). They found him after he did something that--at least on a legal level--is more offensive than neglecting to wash: falling asleep in a car. It also doesn't help when that car contains fake IDs and weapons. But neither of those transgressions will keep Johnson in the Southwest for long. After he is soon extradited to Idaho to face escape charges, Johnson will face three felony charges in Oregon, Malheur County Deputy District Attorney Erin Landis told the Argus Observer last week.

(Note to criminal: The author does not mean to make light of the challenges that go along with a life on the lam. If I were in a similar predicament, doubtless I'd reek like the devil's own jockstrap.)

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