Mr. Cope's Cave: Cockadoodie in Kentucky 

This is undoubtedly old news to you, how a county clerk in Kentucky continues to defy the law of the land and deny marriage licenses to gay couples, even after being sentenced to jail for contempt of court. So I apologize if we're going over stuff you already know about.

But after seeing this woman, Annie Wilkes announce so proudly that... oh, geez, did I say "Annie Wilkes"? No no, I mean Kim Davis... this woman Kim Davis announce so proudly that her intransigence had the nod from God, Himself, it has left me with a question I just can't get out of my mind.

So for those who may have been climbing Denali the last few days, or fighting fires or something far away from a television set, I should fill in the background: Annie Wilkes first drew nat... er, excuse me... Kim Davis first drew national attention when, rather than comply with the Supreme Court's recent decision allowing gay marriages as constitutionally protected, she refused to issue any marriage licenses at all, including to straight couples. In fact, she hasn't let a marriage license leave her office since the Court announced the ruling in June.

Well, as you might expect, somebody complained and it was Monday, I believe, that a federal judge ordered her to do her job as she was elected to do. The very next day, before a phalanx of cameras and news people, she again refused to issue a license to a number of couples who, I'm quite certain, were there to force the matter to a head. When asked on who's authority she was taking her stand, Ms. Wilkes... goddamit! I mean Ms. Davis!...replied she was doing it on God's authority.

She insists it would betray her religious beliefs to go along in any way with helping homosexuals be homosexual. On Tuesday, she said, “To issue a marriage license, which conflicts with God’s definition of marriage, with my name affixed to the certificate, would violate my conscience. It is not a light issue for me. It is a Heaven or Hell decision (emphasis mine).”

In other words, Annie Wil... shit! what is wrong with my brain this morning?...

...in other words, Kim Davis holds a religious conviction that she could actually go to Hell if she cooperates in even the most insignificant of ways with two men or two women choosing to spend their lives together. And this is from a woman who is on her fourth husband—so far. One has to wonder what the bag limit is in God's definition of marriage.

Now, the flip side of Annie... F*** ME! Why can't I get this image of Kathy Bates swinging a sledgehammer out of my COCKADOODIE HEAD!!!?

Ahem, as I was saying, the flip side of KIM DAVIS worrying about going to Hell if she cooperates in same-sex marriage, is that she must be confident she will go to Heaven if she doesn't. And the question I can't stop thinking about is, Can you imagine spending eternity with this person?

OK, I suppose you wouldn't have to stand next to her for the whole endless infinity. I suppose you can arrange to be somewhere else whenever she's around. I mean, if you can't decide whom you want to hang out with in Heaven, it doesn't sound much like Heaven, does it?

But still, an endless infinity as an awfully long time. If you think sitting through an Adam Sandler movie seems like forever, just wait. And with that much endless time on your hands, you are going—I repeat, you are going, whether you like it or not—to run into her over and over again. And over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and... well, you get the idea.

As I write, I don't know what the outcome of the Annie Wi... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!...

...of the Kim Davis affair will be, but one thing is certain. It has given us a lot to think about, hasn't it? The conflicts inherent in a free society... the limits of personal conscience... the contrast of what one individual might call love with what another person calls love... the natures of Heaven and Hell... and which of those might turn out to be the most enduring misery...

Yup, a lot to think about.

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