LET'S SETTLE THIS AT CAT FIGHT CLUB
If you've ever wondered how to snatch a man like Brad Pitt, your answer may lie with the voodoo spells of black magick. This is supposedly how Angelina Jolie managed to break up Pitt's marriage, according to the author of the Voodoo Spellbook who claims that a vial of bat remains, which Jolie gave to Brad Pitt, was probably part of a love spell. "That vial sounds suspiciously like a voodoo, mojo hand or magical charm," said Dr. Snake, self-proclaimed voodoo expert. "One dark voodoo spell uses Bat's Heart Incense, which is burnt to break up a love affair or marriagevery ominous in the light of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's split." Of course, before you use the black arts to lure your favorite sex toy, I should point out that you'll probably have more success if you follow Jolie's lead and get rich, hot and kinky first ... good luck! (MonstersAndCritics.com)
IN CHINA, THERE ARE TWO SUCKERS BORN EVERY MINUTE
A Chinese company was shut down by the Chinese government last week after they started selling property rights to land on the moon. For a mere 298 Yuan (approximately $37), various suckers where able to purchase an acre of moon land and the rights to any minerals on the land down to a depth of three kilometers. Forty-nine acres of prime moon property were sold in three days before the company was shut down. Of course, this doesn't mean you can't get your own piece of the action. Moon land is still for sale at www.planetaryinvestments.com. (Agence France-Presse)
EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL
Bad news for those of you suffering from the mind control tactics of black ops agents and aliens. It turns out that a home-made tin foil hat will not actually protect you. (Don't know what I'm talking about? Get with the program at zapatopi.net/afdb, the Web site of the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.) Tech nerds at MIT experimented with the claims of tin foil hat enthusiasts and found that the hats actually amplify radio signals beamed into a human brain. The experiments, titled "On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study," used $250,000 of equipment and three styles of tin foil hat (the Classical, the Fez and the Centurion) to come to the sinister realization that the government may actually have started the tin foil hat urban legend in order to help them control their subjects. "It requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the government, possibly with the involvement of the FCC," concluded the study. "We hope this report will encourage the paranoid community to develop improved helmet designs to avoid falling prey to these shortcomings." (MIT)
WHO KNEW $300 MILLION COULD RESTORE BALANCE TO THE UNIVERSE?
A Moscow court has thrown out a $300 million lawsuit from a Russian astrologer who claimed "moral damages" against NASA, after the space agency's experiment that crashed a scientific probe into a comet last July. Marina Bai had argued that the impact "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe and infringes on my spiritual and life values." While the experiment obviously upset Bai's grip on reality, the court still refused to move forward with the suit. (Sapa-dpa)
THE CURE FOR WINTER
A small village in Italy is trying to find over $100,000 in order to build a mirror that will deflect sunlight into their main square during the dark winter months. No really ... the town of Viganella is located at the bottom of a very steep-sided Alpine valley and receives absolutely no sunlight between Nov. 12 and Feb. 2 each year. "It's like Siberia," complained one resident. To fix this problem the town's mayor has hired an architect to design a giant mirror to be built a few hundred meters above the town, in order to reflect sunlight falling on the mountain side and direct it down to the village's main square. The motorized mirror would sit on a track and follow the sun's rays throughout the day. "On a clear day this would produce five hours of sunlight in the piazza even in mid-December," claimed the architect. (BBC)
"I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
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