November 9, 2005 

GET YOUR ASS KICKED AND YOUR INTELLECT HUMILIATED

Tihomir "Tigertad" Titschko from Bulgaria has been crowned Europe's Chess Boxing champion after winning the first European Championship in Chess Boxing in Berlin on Oct. 1. So what the heck is chess boxing? It's exactly what it sounds like. A battle of body and mind in which competitors engage in alternating rounds of chess and boxing. According to the official rules at the World Chess Boxing Organization Web site (www.wcbo.org), a full contest consists of 11 rounds--six four-minute rounds of chess and five two-minute rounds of boxing. A match can be won by checkmate or knockout, or by outscoring your opponent in boxing if the chess match results in a stalemate.

GHOSTS ARE AN EXPENSIVE PET

Two brothers in India have been fined for keeping a "pet ghost," which supposedly brought disease to a village in West Bengal. According to an exorcist who was summoned for his expert opinion, the brothers had kept the ghost of one of their wives after she died, and this ghost was "responsible for a recent outbreak of disease in the locality." The word of the exorcist was good enough for the village elders, who sentenced the brothers to pay a fine of over $700. (Ananova)

OBSOLESCENCE IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION

Now that VCRs are going the way of the cassette recorder, you might want to find a more useful chore for your once-mighty machine. Like inventor James Larsson, who rigged up his old VCR to become an automatic cat feeder using the VCR's timer to dispense food to his cat on a regular schedule. "When a VCR becomes redundant or becomes faulty, it's usually the case that the system that runs timing and motor control are the last to die," Larsson said. "Mostly, people junk their VCRs because the picture is becoming a bit weird, but there's usually a lot of life left in a junked VCR, and I wanted to take advantage of that." (CNET News)

LET'S STICK TOGETHER

If you're planning on dumping someone in the near future, try to make sure there isn't any Krazy Glue lying around the house. Failure to heed this advice could leave you in the same bind as Ken Slaby of Pittsburgh, who woke up one day to find that his ex-girlfriend had glued his penis to his stomach, glued his testicle to his leg, and glued his buttcheeks together. During the civil trial--where Slaby asked for about $30,000 in damages--his ex's lawyer argued that the actions where part of routine sexual activity between the couple to which Slaby agreed. (The Pittsburgh Channel)

LAW 6: YOU ARE HOPELESSLY OUTNUMBERED

If you aren't too stupid to comprehend it, there's a brilliant article by Professor Carlo M. Cipolla of the University of California in which he explains "The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity." Law No. 1: Everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation. Law No. 2: The probability that a certain person will be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person. Cipolla explains that "one is stupid in the same way one is red-haired; one belongs to the stupid set as one belongs to a blood group. A stupid man is born a stupid man by an act of Providence." Law No. 3: A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses. This one is obvious: "Our daily life is mostly made of cases in which we lose money and/or time and/or energy and/or appetite, cheerfulness and good health because of the improbable action of some preposterous creature who has nothing to gain and indeed gains nothing from causing us embarrassment, difficulties or harm." Law No. 4: Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. And last but certainly not least, Law No. 5, which states that "A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person." Read the entire lengthy thesis at www.ecotopia.com/webpress/stupidity

MY GOD CAN BEAT UP YOUR GOD

Still worshipping God? Maybe you should ask him/her/it to help you win 25,000 Yen in the "Can You Prove Religious Superiority" competition hosted by the creator of Huge-Entity.com. The ¥25,000 will go to "anyone who can give any reason whatsoever for believing in one specific religion over any other." Simple. (huge-entity.com)

Get waaay more bizarro news at www.curioustimes.com.

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