O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL • HOW ROMANTIC • THE CURE FOR THE COMMON CONDOM 

O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL

If one of your Christmas wishes is to help bring peace on Earth but you want to do the least amount of work possible to bring it about, you'll probably want to join the First Annual Solstice Synchronized Global Orgasm for World Peace, which takes place on December 22. This experiment will be an attempt to join the world's citizens in a simultaneous orgasm combined with thoughts of peace and love for all humankind. According to the Web site: "The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy." Their hope is that this "concentrated positive energy" will affect the Earth's energy field enough to "reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world."

While the simple promise of an orgasm is a good enough excuse to lend your hand to this project, there might even be a chance to be involved in one of the world's largest experiments in thought energy, as the creators of this event promise that Princeton University's Global Consciousness Project will be monitoring the output of human energy on that day with the hope of seeing a measurable change in the results as have occurred during the 9/11 attack and the Indian Ocean tsunami. Join the fun at GlobalOrgasm.org.

HOW ROMANTIC

All this news about orgasms reminded me of a story from a few years back when a 41-year-old German woman, on trial for shoplifting, told the judge that she was doing it for the sexual kick. "I have an orgasm whenever a department store detective discovers me stealing and grabs my shoulder from behind," she claimed.

THE CURE FOR THE COMMON CONDOM

A new invention now being marketed in South Africa hopes to put an end to the unromantic chore of trying to put on a condom during sex. The "Pronto" condom no longer requires you to tear open the wrapper and try to figure out which way is up. Instead, the wrapper is designed as part of the condom which you simply snap open, grab the two sides to roll the condom down, and then pull the wrapper off. "If you're slow, it'll take you three seconds. You can really do it in one," said inventor Willem van Rensburg, who claimed that the idea came after studies showed that the "struggle factor" was the main reason people don't bother to use condoms. (AFP)

CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Of course, some unfortunate people will not have a choice whether or not to join the Global Orgasm. Like those suffering from the bizarre sexual condition called Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS), which afflicts women with the strange problem of having orgasms on a near continual basis and at the very slightest provocation. An article in a Japanese newspaper alerted me to this syndrome, where it goes by the charming name of Cum Cum Disease (Iku Iku byo), and is claimed to be responsible for sending some women to the edge of suicide due to the "draining," "painful," and "demeaning" experience of near-constant orgasms throughout the day. "If a guy simply taps me on the shoulder, I just swoon. Even when I go to the toilet, my body reacts," reported one sufferer. "Even the vibration of my mobile phone is enough to set me off," said another. One woman reported having up to 300 orgasms in a single day. (Mainichi Daily News)

SEND THE SAVINGS TO THE POOR DEHYDRATED CHILDREN OF THE WORLD WHO DON'T LIVE WITHIN A HALF A BLOCK OF A COFFEE SHOP

If your life is so tiny and pathetic that it would give you some glee to cut into the profits of Starbucks you might want to look up the term "Ghetto Latte" on the web. This minor scam involves buying a lower-end basic drink at Starbucks and then using their free condiments to create a more luxurious end user experience. According to people who care, you could, for example, buy a double shot of espresso on ice and add free milk and sugar until you have a pseudo-iced coffee for about half the price. Or, even better, hold the ice, add more milk and pop the drink in a microwave for the full-on "Ghetto Latte" which, supposedly, has been judged favorably in taste tests against "real" lattes.

Get waaay more bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.

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