October 20 2004 

SUPER-SIZE ME!

Twenty Singaporeans gathered last week in an attempt to smash 10 weird world records, including the records for doing the most push-ups in one minute, picking up the most Smarties with a pair of chopsticks in one minute and drinking a bottle of ketchup through a straw in the fastest time. Unfortunately, only two records were broken, with most of the glory going to Ezra Nicholas, 19, who set a new record by stuffing three and one-fifth Big Mac burgers in his mouth without swallowing. "I'm on top of the world right now," exclaimed Nicholas, "because everyone's going to know that I can shove more than three burgers in my mouth!" The other record was broken by Jeffery Koh, 50, broke the other record by eating three dry biscuits in only 14.45 seconds. Some of the other failed attempts included pushing an orange with your nose for one mile, making the world's longest paper doll chain, and speaking backwards the fastest. (AP)

READ THIS BEFORE YOU TELL OFF YOUR BOSS

If you're busy hating your job today, just be glad you're not an anal-wart researcher. That job has topped this year's list of "Worst Jobs in Science," as surveyed by Popular Science Magazine. Other awful jobs to make scientists reconsider why they ever took out a student loan include worm parasitologist, lab-animal veterinarian, landfill monitor, Iraqi archaeologist and computer help-desk tech. My personal favorite is a job I never inagined even existed. Apparently there is an occupation called "tampon squeezer," in which some poor schmuck has to manually squeeze out the liquid of used tampons in order to recover specimens for sexually transmitted disease tests. Can you say "unsatisfying career path" boys and girls? (Popular Science)

TOO REAL FOR REALITY TV

Outraged television viewers in the United Kingdom have called for the cancellation of a reality program called The Farm after an episode in which celebrity farmhans Rebecca Loos spent 10 minutes wanking a pig in order to retrieve a semen sample with which to inseminate sows. "This is sickening," said Mediawatch/UK director John Bayer, who is trying to have the show cancelled immediately, "it is nothing short of bestiality."

"It was vile--one of the grossest things I've ever seen," added another viewer. During the episode in question, which was seen by over 1.6 million viewers, Loos stimulated a boar for ten minutes until it finally gave up the goods, filling a flask with almost three quarters of a pint of semen. Afterwards, Roos complained "my arms are aching." (The Sun UK)

PARTY LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD

A Romanian newspaper reports that the inhabitants of a small village deserted the town after seeing bright, multicolored lights in the sky and fearing an alien invasion was underway. As the villagers fled, police were called to investigate the lights, and found that the lights were actually part of a large open-air disco that had been erected in a nearby town. (Ananova)

I DO, I DO, I DO, I DO, ETC ...

After marrying 52 different wives, a 72-year-old Malaysian man has once again tied the knot with his first wife, whom he first married in 1957. "I am not a playboy," said Kamaruddin Mohammed, "I just love seeing beautiful women." Although some of his marriages lasted only a few days, he did manage to stick with one wife for 20 years before she died of cancer. After her death, he decided to ask his first wife for a second chance, and she accepted. Despite marrying 52 different women, Mohammed claims, "I don't like flings. I also don't believe in marrying more than one woman at a time." (New Straits Times)

HAVEN'T YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A VENGEFUL, ANGRY GOD?

"You are God. Your people have angered you greatly and deserve to be punished. Punish away, oh great one!" So begins the game Wrath, a basically cheesy yet highly amusing game in which you, as God, throw bolts of lightning at the puny humans below. Go pump up your ego by squashing mere mortals at www.no-god.com/game/wrath.swf.

"I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK

Men are six times more likely to be struck by lightning than women. :

Get waaaay more bizarre news at www.curioustimes.com.

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