THE 25 MOST POINTLESS QUESTIONS IN THE UNIVERSE
Since you're reading this column, I think it's safe to assume that your brain still isn't quite full enough of useless knowledge. So here's some more. Mental Floss magazine has compiled what they call "The 25 Most Important Questions in the History of the Universe," where you can burn off another billion brain cells learning the answers to such vital questions as: What Makes No. 2 Pencils So Darn Special? Is There One Move That's More Likely to Win a Game of Rock-Paper-Scissors? Which Came First, the Can Opener or the Can? Can a Pregnant Woman Drive in the Carpool Lane? Was There Ever a B-Cell Battery? Who Invented Sliced Bread? Is It Possible to Own Property on the Moon? How Many Pounds of Chimpanzee are Needed to Defeat the Average Human? Get all the answers at MentalFloss.com.
JUST ANOTHER PLACE FOR MORE MESSY SEX
While developers design orbiting space hotels with the hope of cashing in on space tourists who want to have sex in zero gravity, at least one scientist is warning about setting your expectations too high. "Sex in micro-g might be a little underwhelming," says NASA space physician James Logan said. "That is, the fantasy might be vastly superior to the reality. It's a pretty messy environment--for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction." (LiveScience.com)
HOW NOT TO GET A SECOND DATE
An Australian man will spend then next few months in jail after trying to blackmail a woman into have sex with him. The story began last New Year's Eve when the two met for a night of sex and explicit photography. After the woman refused to meet with him again, the man threatened to publish her photos on the Internet unless she had sex with him again. Instead, she recorded his nasty phone calls and had him arrested. (News.com.au)
TOO MUCH DISPOSABLE INCOME?
Why waste five seconds of your day stirring your own coffee? Click on over to Hammeacher.com and order the self-stirring mug, which comes equipped with a built-in miniature propeller that automatically stirs your drink at 3,000 rpms at the touch of a button. While you're there wasting your money, you can also order the golf ball finding glasses or the remote-controlled robotic shark.
SPEED DATING FOR LOUSY CONVERSATIONALISTS
What do you do after you try Speed Dating but find that you can't even hold a conversation for a mere three minutes? A dude in New York has come up with a perfect solution in what he calls "Eye Gazing Parties." This is remarkably similar to the Speed Dating concept except for the fact that you don't actually say anything to the new singles you meet. Instead, you gaze into each others eyes while trying not to feel incredibly stupid. Check out EyeGazingParties.com, where they claim that "the eye gazing has an electrifying effect on the party; simply put, three minutes of eye contact is the Cadillac of ice-breakers."
380 WAYS TO WASTE YOUR TIME ON THE INTERNET
It's incredible the sacrifices I make for my readers. For example, I read all the way up to No. 150 on a Web site called "380 Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate" before I got too bored. Luckily, I found enough good ones to write this blurb for you: pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep; inject his/her Twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG; collect all your urine in a small jug; buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can, then pretend to masturbate while reading them; invite a homeless person to live in your room and sleep in your roommate's bed. Get the entire list at Linuxsavvy.com/staff/jgotts/roommate.html
ANY EXCUSE TO GET DRUNK
OK, get out your calendars and mark these dates. According to entirely reliable sources (some Web site I found), Aug. 13 is Blame Someone Else Day, Aug. 18 is Bad Poetry Day, and Aug. 30 is National Toasted Marshmallow Day.
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Sixty percent of Christians believe that Jesus wouldn't bother going to church if he were alive today and 43 percent believe that the modern church turns people off of Christianity.