This'll Blow Yer Mind 

MulletBoy uncovers the Cult of Cluelesshulhu

I'm curious as hell where Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Luna was and what he was doing at the time his pickup was vandalized, aren't you? I don't want to appear as eager to rush to judgment as most of his righty pals, who didn't waste a second pinning it on "union thugs." But after all, Luna did work in the Bush administration, and who's to say he didn't learn a trick or two from Karl Rove, the spongy creep famous for blaming political opponents for dirty tricks he set up himself? And for Luna (or a confederate) to sneak out and mess with his truck as a maneuver to drum up some pity support seems at least as likely as Miss Crabapple the school marm being a secret Idaho Education Association goon with a can of spray paint and a tire-splitting switchblade in her purse, yes?

But let's save it for another time. I don't think I can stomach another week of Tom Luna or Tom Luna-related subject matter. So while I'm waiting for that recall petition to come my way, I believe I'll swing by MulletBoy's "Randem Thinkings" blog to see what he's up to. Funny MulletBoy ... I think of him as Michele Bachmann with a penis. Here's his latest.

Whoo-ee Dawg!!! This'll blow your mind!!! Yesterday, Ripster comes over at his regular time, which is 15 after five unless there's a traffic jamup somewheres cause of some butthole not knowing how to drive right, it takes him 15 minutes to get to my place from his job at the Pump-Your-Self and he always has the TV warmed up when I get there, cause it takes me 25 minutes to get from the Lube & Scoot to home, and we always watch ol' Glenn first cause I TiVo his show ever day even though my ol' lady said we couldn't afford the TiVo machine when I brought it home but I says, "What the heck! You don't expect me to miss out on ol' Glenn just cause I can't retire for another 34 years, do you?" and she shakes her head like she does when she thinks I'm stupid but she let me keep the machine anyway, and after him, we watch ol' Bill, and if there's any beer left by then, we watch ol' Sean.

But the way I figure it, ol' Glenn's the one we can't afford to miss the most cause he's the only one I know about who's exposing the plots George Zorro, together with them Egypt Jihaders and the femmy liberals have to bring back the Muslim Caffinate what once ruled the world and will again if the Democrats and the Devil get their way. I always say, "We oughta just nuke 'em all and let God sort 'em out," and Ripster always says back, "You got that right!" and I bet a dollar to a dog turd that's exactly what ol' Glenn would say too if he ever heard me say what I always say.

But yesterday was different cause the minute I walk in the door, Rip says, "You gotta see what's in this book I found out back of the Pump-Your-Self. It'll blow your mind!" And it did, sure as hell. The book was all torn up and pages was missing cause somebody had been driving over and over it and I figure it was either some of MSNBC's boys or one of them Code Pink sleeper cells what didn't want us to see what was in it, but there was enough left to get the picture. It was about what this one guy discovered when he was thumbing through some old books in the library at Miskatonic University, which I didn't never heard of but Rip says, "Yeah, it's real famous. In fact, wasn't it Miskatonic U. what Boise State played in one of them bowl games once?" and then I sorta remembered hearing of it before.

Anyway, in the farthest back room of the library, this guy, what's name was Lovecrap or something like that, comes across a super old book called the Necromonocal or something like that, what was written by some camel jockey called Abdul Alhazred the Mad Arab, and just hearing the words "mad" and "Arab" together got me perked up. Then in the book it tells about this bunch of something-or-others he calls "The Great Old Ones." Yeah, this Lovecrap dude writes it just like that, all capital letters and such. And he makes it sound like these "The Great Old Ones" are so damn ugly that any normal person would go totally bananas just to look at 'em. They ain't human, see, but they been around since way before humans or even dinosawrs, and they're either dead or not. It was sort of confusing. There's this one thing Lovecrap found in the Necromonocal what says, "That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons, even death may die." So you can see why it's confusing if they're all dead or not, and who the hell knows what a "aeon" is, anyway? But one way or the other, they're still trying to take over the world. They got all these fishhead men who live in buttwipe places like Road Island and Massachusetts and they're trying to fix it so the "The Great Old Ones" can wake up and rule the world. And the fishheads all take their orders from a big giant land squid called Cthulhu, who I looked up on Wikipedia and I'll be dammed if he ain't in there! It says Cthulhu lives in a city what's called R'lyeh and Rip says, "You know what? I think R'lyeh is where Hillary Clinton is always going to."

Rip and I decided right then and there that ol' Glenn needs to know this stuff. Mad Arabs, Massachusetts, Hillary Clinton ... what the hell more do you need to know? I says, "Rip, I think we oughta drive this info over to Glenn ourselves. That's the only way we can be sure that Obama's fishheads won't get to it first" and about that time my ol' lady shakes her head and goes to bed before I think to ask her if I can use the car. So that's where the situation stands right now. I'll try to keep you up on how it turns out, but if me and Rip turn up missing, you'll know why.

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