Top Seven Tips on Amateur Salvaging 

1. Make a foreman's hat out of origami paper and walk in like you own the place, making sure to have loud conversations with "the crew" on your fake walkie-talkie.

2. Trip and fall over the yellow caution tape and proceed to loot. If anyone threatens you, threaten them right back with a liability lawsuit.

3. Latch onto a friend who has permission to be in the condemned building (or just eavesdrop to learn a name that might be useful: i.e. "I'm with Schlecky.")

4. Approach the kindest-looking demo guy and attempt to flirt.

5. If flirting fails, try 20 bucks.

6. Fearlessly walk in with a pipe wrench and wave at the dozer operator through the half-pulverized wall.

7. Hire Cynthia Sewell to case the joint.pointed.

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