View Full Version : The rise of civilization, condensed
This is a must read.......
For those who slept through World History 101...... here is a
condensed version. This IS NOT the earlier beer version that has been around!
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer, and the beer to the man.
These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B B Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to piss them off.
Have a great day
lenny
01-02-2008, 04:04 PM
You might want to mention that you didn't write that...at least that's what I would do. Someone reading might accidentally come to the conclusion that you were "witty" enough to come up with that silliness on your own. Wouldn't want to mislead the "slower" readers out there now...or...er...maybe you would. Anyway, I can't think of a good reason to omit the fact that it was a chain email from some servile political party lackey or whatever.
Not a big deal really, but I'm sort of picky about such things.
Toodles...
You might want to mention that you didn't write that...at least that's what I would do. Someone reading might accidentally come to the conclusion that you were "witty" enough to come up with that silliness on your own. Wouldn't want to mislead the "slower" readers out there now...or...er...maybe you would. Anyway, I can't think of a good reason to omit the fact that it was a chain email from some servile political party lackey or whatever.
Not a big deal really, but I'm sort of picky about such things.
Toodles...
Good heavens, it was in an E-mail. My forte runs to research and Constitutional or legal argument, not humor....I leave pretend to the left as they are so good at it.
lenny
01-02-2008, 04:43 PM
You must have skipped this part:
Not a big deal really, but I'm sort of picky about such things.
I think it's best that when you copy and paste something that someone else wrote, and this is just my opinion, to simply lead off by stating that it wasn't written by you. People don't know, or I can't think of a good reason to assume otherwise, and not acknowledging someone else's work up front can give the impression that you might be trying to pass it off as your own.
Perhaps I'm out of line here and should have assumed nobody would read that and come to the conclusion it was yours...which is why I emphasized it was just an opinion and I'm picky about stuff like that. Maybe in the future you could just lead into such things with "this is a chain mail I received", or whatever so as to leave no doubt...but if you don't want to that's fine.
My forte runs to research and Constitutional or legal argument presented in a manner that would never, ever, stray from the talking points issued by the Republican party...
There, fixed that for you. :)
There, fixed that for you. :)
It never ceases to amaze me how folk who never stray an iota from the party line on anything always accuse other folk of the same thing...worse, assume their 100% party line opinions are astoundingly original and their almost word for word party spin is a magic concidence, while their political opponents have not an original thought in their heads...
Rather amusing actually.
Drivesme
01-02-2008, 06:22 PM
It never ceases to amaze me how folk who never stray an iota from the party line on anything always accuse other folk of the same thing...worse, assume their 100% party line opinions are astoundingly original and their almost word for word party spin is a magic concidence, while their political opponents have not an original thought in their heads...
Rather amusing actually.
It is and that is why I laugh at you so much jimmy.:D
It is and that is why I laugh at you so much jimmy.:D
ah, another 'Original' thinker comes to call.:D
In all these years of civilization and all the gazillion inventions to make our life easier why has the same old killing and attempts to take someone elses property stayed much the same. Of course, we will all agree that the weapons have gotten less civilized. Men now take a part in child rearing and women have gotten more rights than God or Jesus ever allowed which is a big change. Now many wonder if the earth will be destroyed in the next 50 years by all these so called "civilized citizens." Why have the conservatives become such war mongers?
Drivesme
01-02-2008, 06:52 PM
ah, another 'Original' thinker comes to call.:D
Read this thread again jimmy!:D
In all these years of civilization and all the gazillion inventions to make our life easier why has the same old killing and attempts to take someone elses property stayed much the same. Of course, we will all agree that the weapons have gotten less civilized. Men now take a part in child rearing and women have gotten more rights than God or Jesus ever allowed which is a big change. Now many wonder if the earth will be destroyed in the next 50 years by all these so called "civilized citizens." Why have the conservatives become such war mongers?
We have to make up for the surrender monkeys that the left has become.
McGyver
01-02-2008, 11:27 PM
We have to make up for the surrender monkeys that the left has become.
Who surrendered Jim? NOT OUR TROOPS! Our Troops have successfully accomplished every single task Bush has sent them to do.....Our purpose for the War was first....WMD....THANKS TO OUR TROOPS, Now we know there Were NO WMD....Then our purpose was "Regime Change.".....THANKS TO OUR TROOPS, We did that! Saddam is not only NOT in power, he's no longer living..."MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! So what's the " Surrender Monkey" rude comment all about Jim? Everything we asked of our Troops, they have done, and done well.......The ONLY Failure, was with this Republican Administration NOT being able to Broker a deal for "Democracy" in Iraq....Because The Iraqi People, who are NOW IN CHARGE....Do NOT WANT Democracy! It's THEIR Country, and they want it run THEIR way!
Isn't that what "FREEDOM" is all about? THEIR COUNTRY....THEIR CHOICE! How would YOU feel if England came over here and removed Bush from Office and said NOW.....You will have a Monarchy??? I'm thinking you'd be pissed! :rolleyes: And Rightfully so!
We need to Get Our Troops OUT of Iraq.....and out NOW!
YOU CALL IT "SURRENDER" BUSH AND I CALL IT: "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"
lenny
01-02-2008, 11:34 PM
It never ceases to amaze me how folk who never stray an iota from the party line on anything always accuse other folk of the same thing...worse, assume their 100% party line opinions are astoundingly original and their almost word for word party spin is a magic concidence, while their political opponents have not an original thought in their heads...
Rather amusing actually.
LOL! Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that I HATE the Democratic party...I just Hate the Republikan party a little bit more, so exactly which party line is it that I never stray from? I think you have me confused with some of the other posters here. I'm the guy who wants to see the system completely rebuilt from the bottom up. Reboot! :)
On the other hand, your world appears to be completely black and white. Everything with you is Liberal/Conservative Dem/Repub. That's all you seem to be able to talk about. Hell, I've always considered myself to be very Liberal, but as of right now, it looks like I'll be voting for Ron Paul...a candidate that I guarantee is far more authentically Conservative than whichever one of the phony crooks you end up throwing your hat in with.
Who you leaning towards voting for in the Primaries Jim? Just curious.
Erika
01-03-2008, 01:55 AM
Always chasing after non-existant windmills (WMD's). But the fringe right neocons have depended on the fear factor of the illiterate right to further their imperialism and increase their profits while bleeding the U.S. working class dry.
John Kerry was correct. Al Qaeda is a rogue terror group who should be handled by world police action.
Bruce McAuley
01-03-2008, 08:38 AM
I see Lenny and Freewolf both supporting Ron Paul in the primaries.
In Washington State under this year's rules the Republicans will allocate 51% of the delegates from the Primary vote on Feb 19 and 49% of the delegates from the caucuses held on Feb 9.
So a person who wants to help Ron Paul the most will go to both the Repub caucus and support Ron Paul and also vote for Ron Paul in the primary election.
The Dems here in Washington will ONLY use the caucuses to allocate their delegates, the popular vote on the 19th will mean nothing to the Dems.
Wacky system at best.
I'm not sure what I'll do yet...
I betcha JimV is supporting Romney.:rolleyes:
Bruce
Who surrendered Jim? NOT OUR TROOPS! Our Troops have successfully accomplished every single task Bush has sent them to do.....Our purpose for the War was first....WMD....THANKS TO OUR TROOPS, Now we know there Were NO WMD....Then our purpose was "Regime Change.".....THANKS TO OUR TROOPS, We did that! Saddam is not only NOT in power, he's no longer living..."MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! So what's the " Surrender Monkey" rude comment all about Jim? Everything we asked of our Troops, they have done, and done well.......The ONLY Failure, was with this Republican Administration NOT being able to Broker a deal for "Democracy" in Iraq....Because The Iraqi People, who are NOW IN CHARGE....Do NOT WANT Democracy! It's THEIR Country, and they want it run THEIR way!
Isn't that what "FREEDOM" is all about? THEIR COUNTRY....THEIR CHOICE! How would YOU feel if England came over here and removed Bush from Office and said NOW.....You will have a Monarchy??? I'm thinking you'd be pissed! :rolleyes: And Rightfully so!
We need to Get Our Troops OUT of Iraq.....and out NOW!
YOU CALL IT "SURRENDER" BUSH AND I CALL IT: "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"
Our troops? Good heavens no...The democrat congress has spent the last year trying to surrender. Their lack of sucess is not because of a lack of trying.
LOL! Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that I HATE the Democratic party...I just Hate the Republikan party a little bit more, so exactly which party line is it that I never stray from? I think you have me confused with some of the other posters here. I'm the guy who wants to see the system completely rebuilt from the bottom up. Reboot! :)
Perhaps but your posts remind me of a good friend in Maine. She loudly claimed to be a proud independent while always marching right into the voting booth andvoting democrat year after year. Her political rhetoric was also borrowed almost 100% from the DNC party line.
On the other hand, your world appears to be completely black and white. Everything with you is Liberal/Conservative Dem/Repub. That's all you seem to be able to talk about. Hell, I've always considered myself to be very Liberal, but as of right now, it looks like I'll be voting for Ron Paul...a candidate that I guarantee is far more authentically Conservative than whichever one of the phony crooks you end up throwing your hat in with.
Voting for candidates who cannot get elected is not the same thing as being independent. I suspect when the time comes in November you will march into that voting booth and do exactly what my friend always does, vote democrat, regardless of who either party selects. And its not black and whirte but right and wrong...the left sides with wrong too often for my comfort.
Who you leaning towards voting for in the Primaries Jim? Just curious.
Right now, Romney..I could not vote for McCane as he has no respect for the Constitution and Paul is simply the republican Kucinich, a few slices short of a whole loaf.
McGyver
01-03-2008, 04:04 PM
Our troops? Good heavens no...The democrat congress has spent the last year trying to surrender. Their lack of sucess is not because of a lack of trying.
I think what the Democratic Congress has been looking for since Bush first attacked Iraq in 2003, was an "Exit Strategy!" Hell Jim, This War has been going on for almost FIVE YEARS now....What does "Victory" look like to you Jim? I pointed out all of our successes in my previous post....What MORE do our Troops need to do, before they can come home and "start" their lives, in their own country?
How do we know when we succeed? And, IF the Iraqi People don't want OUR version of success, then what do we do??? Attack the Iraqi People????:mad:
lenny
01-03-2008, 06:10 PM
Perhaps but your posts remind me of a good friend in Maine. She loudly claimed to be a proud independent while always marching right into the voting booth andvoting democrat year after year. Her political rhetoric was also borrowed almost 100% from the DNC party line.
This is nonsense. Unlike your friend, I don't vote for the corrupt "lesser of two evil" candidate. I just can't bring myself to give my vote to someone I despise. For me personally the grief I get from everyone for voting for a candidate that doesn't win is worth it compared to having to rationalize (lie to myself) all the reasons why I would allow some worthless pile of dung to get my vote. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror everyday and for me personally that means sacrificing my principles is out of the question.
And the suggestion that my political rhetoric is borrowed near 100% from the Dem party is completely false as well. Anyone who knows me from this board and pays attention to what I've actually written would acknowledge this. Your assertions are just not true at all.
Voting for candidates who cannot get elected is not the same thing as being independent......
I never said it was. Why would you even try to attribute that statement to me? For that matter, what the hell would qualify you to lecture me on what it means to be independent? Think about it...jeez Jim.
Right now, Romney..I could not vote for McCane as he has no respect for the Constitution and Paul is simply the republican Kucinich, a few slices short of a whole loaf.
Now this if funny. JimV, a guy who we all know has proudly posted Ann Coulter garbage on this forum, wants to tell everyone that the guy that I'm going to vote for is a nutcase while simultaneously admitting to the fact that he's voting for the guy with the magical underwear. LOL!!! Way to go Jim! :D
NuclearShadows
01-07-2008, 07:52 AM
Given the history lesson of this thread, I don’t understand why the right wingers are at war with Islam… Moslems don’t drink beer…. :p
Drivesme
01-07-2008, 08:32 AM
This is nonsense. Unlike your friend, I don't vote for the corrupt "lesser of two evil" candidate. I just can't bring myself to give my vote to someone I despise. For me personally the grief I get from everyone for voting for a candidate that doesn't win is worth it compared to having to rationalize (lie to myself) all the reasons why I would allow some worthless pile of dung to get my vote. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror everyday and for me personally that means sacrificing my principles is out of the question.
And the suggestion that my political rhetoric is borrowed near 100% from the Dem party is completely false as well. Anyone who knows me from this board and pays attention to what I've actually written would acknowledge this. Your assertions are just not true at all.
I never said it was. Why would you even try to attribute that statement to me? For that matter, what the hell would qualify you to lecture me on what it means to be independent? Think about it...jeez Jim.
Now this if funny. JimV, a guy who we all know has proudly posted Ann Coulter garbage on this forum, wants to tell everyone that the guy that I'm going to vote for is a nutcase while simultaneously admitting to the fact that he's voting for the guy with the magical underwear. LOL!!! Way to go Jim! :D
You forgot to add "game, set and match" Lenny!!
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