Friday, April 30, 2010

The Last Table

Posted By on Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 6:06 PM

So many times I have been ready to walk out the back door of the restaurant. My smelly, dirty chef coat is off and tossed in the bin. The stove is off, the fryer oil has been changed and the produce and fish orders have been called in. The walk-in cooler is locked. Then it happens—another four top walks in the front door.

Just thinking of it takes me back.

No rose for us.
  • No rose for us.

I hear them before I see them, and I try not to groan as the server fakes a smile and takes the customers to a table. The bread is quickly delivered, as are drinks but they are all chatting too much to order. In fact, I don’t think they have looked at the menu yet.

Ten minutes later—I would have been half way home—and they have yet to order. I pace the kitchen and call the wife to tell her that I am going to be late. Again. When I hear the ticket machine chime, I bounce over and nearly punch the server in the face. Four people, four courses each and I am all alone. They all order the tasting menu. The damn tasting menu that will take at least an hour to eat.

The last table of the night always pisses me off. I rock out the apps, then the salads and then the entrees, all spaced about 15 minutes apart. The customers do not notice that the only reason that we are in the building is for them. The doors are locked and the patio lights are off.

The bartender comes and asks me if he can vacuum. I say hell no, it's rude. Now he can’t leave until the group is gone. Like inconsiderate children, the group laughs and jokes, getting progressively drunker as the night stretches on.

Don’t they know? Don’t they consider others? Don’t they know that we have lives? Children to kiss goodnight. Wives to hold. Bills to pay. Hell, beer to drink. I wish they would realize that while we might have submissive titles like “server” and “cook” we are still people.

Randy King is the Executive Chef at Sysco Food Services of Idaho. He has served as the Executive Chef at several locations in Boise including Richard’s in Hyde Park, Crane Creek Country Club and the Doubletree Riverside Hotel. Randy is a member of the American Culinary Federation and has been awarded the elite status of Certified Executive Chef. He can typically be found behind a stove making a mess ... and something delicious to eat.

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The Running of the Wild, Roses

Posted By on Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 5:22 PM

What do wild turkeys have in common with race horses? Both will be present at Churchill Downs for the 56th running of the Kentucky Derby tomorrow. But the fowl in question is not actually a feathered friend. Rather, I refer to a popular brand of bourbon called Wild Turkey, which comes in the standard 80-proof or a in more potent 101-proof, which the company claims is "a lesson in traditional American values, most notably, the refusal to compromise on standards of excellence."

Really? Well, if that's the case, let my education begin. It starts with the mint julep, which is the drink of choice on the first Saturday in May whilst in Kentucky. I hear that bourbon sales during late April tend to peak in much the same way that sales of champagne and other sparkling wines spike just before New Year's Eve.

At any rate, if Wild Turkey is as good as its word, it does seem fitting that such a high-quality liquor appears in conjunction with some of the highest quality equine flesh in the nation.

In case you're inclined to celebrate "the most exciting two minutes in sports" in traditional style, the mint julep recipe is easy:

Muddle two sprigs of fresh mint in a tumbler.
Add 1.5 teaspoons of brown sugar.
Add 2.5 ounces of Wild Turkey 101.
Mix well.
Add one-half cup of crushed ice, and garnish with a sprig of mint.
Then sip slowly as you tip your Kentucky Derby hat and place your bet.

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Stephen Colbert on Idaho's Palouse Earthworms

Posted By on Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 2:23 PM

Stephen Colbert is mad about the discovery of the real Palouse Earthworm, as science seems determined to wage a war against our mythological creatures.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Tip/Wag - Scientists & KFC
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFox News

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BW on the Tube

Posted By on Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 10:50 AM

A&E Editor Amy Atkins took the week off from ETV this week, but Staff Writer Tara Morgan and Features Editor Deanna Darr took up the task.

Here's Darr talking about Bar Bar, BW's annual guide to gettin' your drunk on in Boise. The pocket-sized magazine hit stand this week. Thanks to the ladies of FameFifteen for helping us get our first-ever hottest bartender contest off the ground. Check out the winners and get a lesson on how to make a mean pair of tits here.

And if you're looking for stuff to do this weekend, Morgan has the deets on this week's Picks.

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Thursday, April 29, 2010

It's Not Your Father's Dancefloor...Or Is It?

Posted By on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 4:12 PM

Yesterday morning, I was lingering over my coffee, procrastinating on productivity and listening to the morning show on 94.9 The River. I am a longtime fan of dance trends (I can still do the Macarena) and show hosts Ken Bass and Tim Johnstone caught my attention when they mentioned a new dance craze that is sweeping the nation: Dad Dancing. This dance style is characterized, as the name suggests, by the awkward and cumbersome movements you might expect your father to perform when out on the dance floor. Immediately intrigued, I did some research on the Psychology Today website and learned that the best thing about this freestyle dance form is that anything goes—from high-amplitude, uncoordinated limb-flailing so a simple, wobbly shuffle—so pretty much anyone can do it.

My brother is getting married this summer and I know that I can count on my dad to hit the dance floor at the reception. The good news is that my dad is something of a Renaissance man and has been taking dance lessons regularly now that he's a semi-retired guy. The bad news is that the lessons are for tap dancing.


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Werner Herzog Does Where’s Waldo

Posted By on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 1:51 PM


“Vhere to begin. Sigh. Top left corner. Hidden somevhere in zis noisy chaotic morazz of society iz our fellow traveler, Valdo, a man unstuck from place and time.”

So growls unflinchingly intense German filmmaker Werner Herzog, narrating a Where’s Waldo? children’s book. Though the voice is obviously an impersonation, the premise is, nonetheless, genius.

Where, faux-Herzog wonders, is Waldo going? And what do his adventures convey about the madness of humanity?

“Vy all zis travel? Ve search for Valdo but vat is Valdo searching for? Perhaps he’s not searching at all, but running from zomzing. Does zis man even vant to be found?’"

We all want to be found, Werner. Even the bespectacled, cane-loosing, striped shirt-wearing who wander unnoticed among us.

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Need Something to Do Thursday?

Posted By on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 10:33 AM

Dinner and a movie: the rock of evenings out. It's always there, it's always good. Covers all the bases. Food. Opportunity to converse. A block of time in which you don't have to say anything because you realized you're out of stuff to say. And then something new, a shared experience, to converse about.

But that's not to say that things can't go horribly awry. Dinner and a movie could be interpreted to mean fast food and a rented DVD of Battlefield Earth.

Please don't anyone do that to your date, by the way. Any reasonable MTV Blame Game studio audience would definitely rule in their favor.

Instead. why not hit up The Red Feather Lounge at 6:30 for their monthly Food and Film series, where there will be a delicious three-course meal, a screening of the documentary No Impact Man, and then a discussion of the film afterward. And all that for only $25! Why they've got to be crazy to offer prices like that. Or awesome.

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SPINning the "Best" (?) Albums

Posted By on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 9:35 AM

I love best-of lists, but a recent article in SPIN magazine titled "125 Best Albums of the Past 25 Years: a couple of SPIN's editors rank the most influential releases since the magazine's beginning in 1985" has my head spinning.

"Best" is a judgment call that would have been hard enough to make with clearly delineated criteria and a much shorter time span to choose from. And even though the editors tried hedge their bets a bit by including "influential" in the subtitle, that almost made it worse. Some of the albums definitely fall on the best side of the continuum, others are clearly more influential. Not that the two are mutually exclusive ... actually, sometimes they are. Madonna is by no means the best singer but she is inarguably, one of the most influential. She didn't make the list.

I definitely agree with some of the magazine's choices. I agree that Prince, The Smiths, Green Day, belong on the list. I agree that Eminem's The Marshall Mathers LP, White Stripes' Elephant and Beck's Odelay definitely belong in a list of the best/most influential albums of the last 25 years.

I don't, however, agree that U2's Achtung Baby should be No. 1. Better or more influential than Radiohead's OK Computer or Nirvana's Nevermind? Hell no.

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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

VPS Percussion Night Tonight

Posted By on Wed, Apr 28, 2010 at 4:53 PM


Just a reminder: if you’re looking for a reason to haul your teeming vinyl milk crate to a low lit lounge tonight, the Vinyl Preservation Society is hosting their monthly meeting at the Modern Hotel from 7-10 p.m.

The theme this evening is “Percussion Night,” and attendees are asked to bring “records featuring their favorite examples of percussive sounds from any genre or period of music.”

Social hour runs until 7:30 p.m. and open play occurs from 7:30-10 p.m.

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Mirror Mirror Behind the Bar

Posted By on Wed, Apr 28, 2010 at 2:48 PM

BW's bar guide hit the stands today, and with it the results of our hottest bartender contest. But these sexy barkeeps have some serious personalities to go along with smokin' looks and Tom-Cruise-like skills. You can check em' out, along with their thoughts on how to actually get a bartenders attention and accidentally lighting the bar on fire, in their official video interviews below.

And in case any of you have issues with the lighting, know that's because Agnes is so hot we had to disguise her identity for her own protection.

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