Saturday, December 1, 2012

North Korea Claims Proof of Unicorns

Posted By on Sat, Dec 1, 2012 at 10:31 AM

Clearly, this unicorn is Korean.
  • Domenico Zampieri
  • Clearly, this unicorn is Korean.

North Korea may have really outdone itself, not just by claiming it has proof that unicorns exist—in North Korea, obviously—but with the quality of the proof.

From an article in Time:

The unicorn’s grave was rediscovered near a temple in the capital Pyongyang, with a rectangular rock engraved with the words ‘Unicorn Lair’ at its entrance, according to the report. The report did not elaborate on what further evidence of the royal unicorn’s existence was discovered.

And keep in mind, this isn't any garden variety unicorn North Korea is talking about; it was the unicorn ridden by King Dongmyeong, who "lived" from 37 BC to 668 AD and is seen as the founder of the ancient Korean kingdom of Goguryeo. And before you ask, yes, that is the same King Dongmyeong who was born from an egg impregnated by sunlight, the very same that united the tribes and whose line ruled the Korean peninsula for seven centuries. So clearly, he had to ride a unicorn as well.

But Time also credits the story to politics:

Like most news reports from North Korea, even unicorns are used to underscore the legitimacy of the current regime. “The discovery proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo (Goguryeo) Kingdom,” the report quoted Jo Hui Sung, director of the History Institute of the National Academy of Sciences, as saying.

In short, North Korea is the best Korea, so all the other faux Koreas can suck it.

The whole thing seems pretty legit to us here at Boise Weekly. But then again, we did recently discover a tag in the Mulligans bathroom that said, "Summon the Kraken here." So we did. And now all of you comment trolls are in very big trouble from a lad named Davy Jones.

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