Friday, March 1, 2013

If the Villainous Dick Dastardly Wins, America Loses

Posted By on Fri, Mar 1, 2013 at 11:26 AM

Once upon a time, Paris Hilton wrote a book. Well, it's probably more accurate that she paid someone far too much money to write a book with her name on it, allowing them to get paid but dodge taking credit—a cherry arrangement if ever there was one.

People often cite turds like Hilton's book as signs that culture is in decline. But there have always been Paris Hiltons doing and saying Paris Hilton things. It's just that most of them were quickly forgotten, leaving the Hemingways and Mozarts of the world to shine through the lens of history.

However, the Net has made it possible to rescue any and all cultural artifacts from the dustbin of a company archive and put them on front-window display at the info-mall of of streaming video platforms and fan sites.

Which can really shine a light on the lesser-known and "Hiltony" bits of cultural history.

For example, once upon a time, Hannah-Barbera made a bizarre cartoon series about rally-racing across America to compete for the title of "wackiest racer." Characters like lumberjack Rufus Ruffcut and Penelope Pitstop had to brave Spy Hunter-esque contraptions and neon-bright rolling landscapes to beat the villainous Dick Dastardly to the finish line. Or else... Or else what? Or else the villainous Dastardly would win. And you can't have that.

Scientists say that pot is stronger now than it was in the '60s. Watching cartoons like this, that seems very very hard to believe.

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