Monday, November 17, 2014

Mr. Cope’s Cave: Oohing and Aahing

Posted By on Mon, Nov 17, 2014 at 10:17 AM

Mr. Cope, I’ve been looking back over your old blogs and columns, and I can’t find any mention of honoring our veterans. Did you just forget?… or what?

No, I didn’t forget. I just figure the vets get plenty of attention without me joining the choir.

If you ask me, that sounds a little like you begrudge the honor our vets get.

First of all, Scooter, nobody asked you. And secondly, what the hell are you talking about? How does me choosing not to endlessly ooh and aah over our vets translate into me begrudging them all the oohing and aahing they do get?

See? Right there! The way you said that! You said “oohing and aahing over our vets” instead of “honoring our vets.” That sounds pretty darn sarcastic, don’t you think? Especially since you’re talking about the men and women who keep us free? 

Look, I said “oohing and aahing” because that’s what it sounds like to me, particularly when it’s coming from politicians who pretend that blabbing on about how great our vets are is actually doing something great for our vets. Or from insurance companies and mattress salesmen who make those slushy commercials to sell us on the idea we should all be buying their insurance or their mattresses because they claim to respect vets more than the next guy. You know the ones I’m talking about… where they offer free delivery or pancakes or something. Then there’s the one where they repeat “Thank you for your service” over and over, hoping that we rubes might think we’re somehow helping out vets when we buy their shit. It’s disgusting if you ask me. I’d like to see vets stand up to it and say Quit using us as your marketing shills! And while we’re on the subject, I’d like to see them stand up to the political pimps and say Quit stroking us with your phony damn ceremonies and parades and speeches and benefit concerts! Just give us the quality health care you promised, take care of our families like you said you would, and for God’s sake, quit sending our soldiers in to do all the dirty work for corporate imperialists!

But… but… they keep us free!

Sonny, I don’t have time or patience to discuss with you how big a threat a peasant uprising in Viet Nam 50 years ago was to American freedom. Or how close the island of Grenada or Manuel Noriega came to taking our liberty away. Or how energy drinks and texting will enslave more Americans than Saddam Hussein could have had he lived to be 200 years old and actually had a functioning navy that could get across the Atlantic. Let’s just say that for the past half-century, there’ve been a lot of vets who got killed and maimed and all PTSD-ed up over stuff that didn’t have a damn thing to do with our freedom. And it wasn’t their fault. They did what they were told to do like soldiers are expected to do. But let’s not confuse that with keeping us free. And let’s never use the futility of what they were told to do as an excuse not to honor our obligations to them for doing it.

So, if I have this right… you honor our vets, but not all the attention they get.

Yeah. You could say that. I have my doubts that grown, emotionally mature men and women… men and women who were brave and dedicated enough to join the military, by the way… need to be told every year, year after year, at least twice a year, how great they are and how grateful we are to them. I suspect all that… that…

Oohing and aahing?

Yeah, all that oohing and aahing is to help the oohers and aahers feel like they are doing something as heroic and noble as what the vets did. They’re like groupies, know what I mean? They want to be seen as part of something without actually doing what it takes to be part of it.

Mr. Cope, that’s pretty darn cynical, if you ask me.

Like I said, Junior… nobody asked you.

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