Friday, April 3, 2015

Mr. Cope's Cave: The Purpose-Driven Stink

Posted By on Fri, Apr 3, 2015 at 10:37 AM

Do you think the NCAA should pull out of Indiana, Mr. Cope? 



What? You want more?

Maybe it would be nice if you'd explain why you think the NCAA should pull out of Indiana. It makes for sort of a boring interview for you just to "yes" and leave it at that.

So would you be happy if I just say what everyone else is saying about it? You think it'd be a less boring interview if I simply pass on the same opinions and points and arguments I've heard made over and over, all week long?

Uhhh... well, when you put it like that...

Junior, maybe my answer was boring because it was a boring question.

What!? It wasn't a boring question. It was a relevant question!

Yes, it was a relevant question, but that doesn't mean it wasn't boring. "Do you think the NCAA should pull out of Indiana?" You might as well ask me if I think airliners shouldn't fly into mountains or if children shouldn't play with guns. Doesn't matter how relevant a boring question is, it's still boring.

OK then, Mr. Cope, what's you're idea of a not boring question?

"Mr. Cope, do you think society is in the right when it forces religious people to provide their business services to anyone, regardless of how morally offensive they consider those potential customers to be?" Now... see? That question is relevant and not boring.

So? What's your answer?

I don't know.

You don't know?

No. I don't know.

And that's all you have to say about your own question!?

Yes. That's all I have to say.

But it was your question! And you don't have an answer to it!?

I'm sorry you're disappointed, Bubby, but not all questions have a handy answer. And the more non-boring the question is, the more likely it is there is no satisfying answer to it.

But then, why did you ask the question?

Because, at least to my way of seeing this horseshit in Indiana, that's what this is all about. No matter what the outcome of it is, someone is going to be forced to do something they don't want to do. Either gays are going to be forced into living under an oppressive bullshit law designed specifically to make their lives more uncomfortable, or Christian asshole bigots are going to be forced to bake a f***ing wedding cake, or arrange some f***ing gladiolas, or provide some other f***ing horrible, HORRIBLE service for Adam and Steve's wedding... and there is simply no way around one group or the other getting their toes stepped on. And it really, really, REALLY pisses me off!

Uh, I can sorta see that, Mr. Cope. Your face is all red. Maybe you should sit down. Or something.

And do you know why it's happening? Huh? HUH!? It's happening because one f***ing political party... and you know which one I'm talking about... has adopted as its primary method of governance the practice of slapping American citizens in the face with the very things that matter most to them. If it's gays, they slap them with needless, politically-driven laws like this f***ing thing in Indiana. If it's union people, they slap them with that "Right to Work" shit. If its black people, they slap them with voter suppression. If it's scholars and intellectuals, they slap them with a vastly diminished education system. If it's scientists, they get slapped with some Medieval voodoo that denies the existence of what can be proved to exist. If it's women, they get slapped with forced pregnancies and lower wages. They have turned us against one another as a matter of policy, and it's all because some dipshit douches like Mike Pence in Indiana, or Walker in Wisconsin, or that crawling crap Cruz or those other crawling craps Huckabee and Santorum and Jindal and all the rest are scrambling to get an edge with the slobbering idiots in the Republican base. In truth, they no more care about a holy roller's right to treat gays like dogs than they care about a gay person's right to live like everyone else.

OK, that's actually probably more of an answer than I was looking for, but...

No, no, no, that's not my answer. That's just why I'm so pissed off. My answer to my own question is... NO! I do not think society is in the right when it forces religious morons to provide their business services to anyone, regardless of how morally offensive they consider those potential customers to be. But neither do I believe gay people have any obligation to put up with discriminatory bullshit from religious morons, and I fully support their struggle for fair treatment. So... what's your answer, Sonny? How do we resolve something that probably wouldn't even be a huge stink if it hadn't been stirred up purposely into a huge stink?

Uhhhh, I don't guess I know, either. Not when you put it like that.

That's right! Like I said, there is no satisfying answer because, whichever way it goes, it will create ever-more division and rancor and hate and... and...

So, maybe it's better to ask a boring question that's easy to answer. Like, "Do you think the NCAA should pull out of Indiana?" That way, you can give a simple, boring answer, and the interview can come to an end, and everyone's happier. See? Isn't that better?

Uh, yeah. Maybe so... when you put it like that.


Pin It


Comments are closed.

Join the conversation at
or send letters to

© 2019 Boise Weekly

Website powered by Foundation