208 Comedy Fest Headliner Kyle Kinane Gets Small Banner, Big Laughs in Boise 

click to enlarge Kyle Kinane performed a headlining 208 Comedy Fest act at The Egyptian Theatre.

Harrison Berry

Kyle Kinane performed a headlining 208 Comedy Fest act at The Egyptian Theatre.

Los Angeles comedian Kyle Kinane opened his 208 Comedy Fest-headlining set at The Egyptian Theatre on Sept. 8 with a jab at the historic theater itself.

"There are so many theaters with an Egyptian theme," he said. "You know those Egyptians—they loved cinema."

Nothing speaks better for a comedian than the jokes themselves, so here are some of the best one-liners from Kinane's opening acts, and his own.

"What do you do when you kill a spider? You check its pockets." -Mike Carrozza

"Every time an Asian lady dates a white guy, a bamboo stick silently falls." -Atsuko Okatsuka

"We can fight neo-Nazis with ciabatta. I just think it's possible." -Atsuko Okatsuka

"I watch the pornos. There are lesbians but they're not real lesbians because they have long nails." -Carly Ballerini

"My mom is a bipolar clown. She met my dad at a mental institution and then went to clown college. That's how supervillains are made." -Carly Ballerini

And finally, from Kinane himself:

"I want to see people who drink Monster Energy drink participate in the sports they sponsor."

On coffee: "Nobody wants to hear about the nuance of beans. You're thinking about Scotch."

"What if waterfalls are just rivers that are trying to kill themselves?"

"I have white privilege because I believe in ghosts. That's the kind of shit you believe in when you have nothing else to worry about."

"I don't think I've sexually harassed someone. I have pet the fuck out of a service dog, though."

"Under that giant fiberglass hot dog was a sign that said, 'Thai Food.' That's a dangerous neighborhood."

"That guy's wearing sunglasses and it's a quarter after 10. When he dies, they're going to bury him in a casket covered in Monster Energy drink stickers."
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