31 results
    • Fast as Heck

        Ah, Oregon's highways. Each time I visit, they seem smoother than when I left. I swear they must get re-covered as often as any pool table in Boise. And did somebody ask how wide the highways are? My grandmother fawned over I-84's broad shoulders with an enthusiasm she usually saves for George Clooney's.
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    • Heat Wave Casualties

        I finally realized this week why Idaho is shaped this way. You may have heard it has to do with a river and a continental something-or-other, but forget that jibber-jabber. Here's the truth: We're residing in Gawd's own sweat sock.
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    • Big Stick Skit Schtick

        As a child, I had a mean case of The Skits. Over the weekend, I felt it once again--that unmistakeable urge to corral people into performances, especially without their knowledge. Luckily, I had an eager cast at my disposal. So, without further ado, I present this year's Independence Day masterwork, Heck's Host: A Re-Enactment of the Last Half-Century of United States Foreign Policy.
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    • A Prayer to the Plague-Gods

        Last weekend was definitely the wrong time for me to hang out in America's sweaty pant-band--that is, the Bible Belt.
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    • Heck Gets Flea-Dipped

        I'm not normally one to dip into flea markets, but it's not because I don't enjoy shopping at them. The problem is that whenever I do, I realize afterward how close I am to getting accidentally killed at any given moment, and I can't sleep for days.
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    • Bull Heck

        If you grew up in Idaho, or maybe if you just occasionally listen to conservative talk radio, you probably think you know what sweaty, drunken aggro-patriotism looks like or sounds like. Maybe you recall certain T-shirts or questionable jokes, or maybe you just think of a decal you once saw on the back of a pickup. But unless you went to the Professional Bull Riders tour stop last weekend at the Idaho Center, you don't know bull. On the PBR, patriotism is the flaming letters U-S-A erupting in the middle of a dirt-filled ring. It's a 10-minute video introduction that actually counters shots of bulls bucking with clips of warfare in the Middle East. It's riders with Army sponsorship logos on their backs, flags on their chests and crosses on their chaps.
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