And now, for a deep psychological question: When is an erotic massage more than just an erotic massage? When is it... (ominous porno music) prostitution?

If your answer to the above question is, "when it includes touching of the reproductive organs or other intimate parts of either party for the purpose of arousal or gratification, you fall into the "Type X" personality category. You're professional and law-abiding. You always clean your windshield when you fill up your gas tank, and you change your toothbrush every three months, or sooner if you've had a cold. You're sincerely concerned about the number of dust mites living in your couch, and you find modern video games a little frightening. You think rotating your political bumper stickers to keep them timely is just part of being a good citizen.

If your answer is, "Erotic massage? What a crock. They only call it 'erotic' because I'm naked while I'm getting the massage, and as everyone knows, being naked around a complete stranger is the most erotic thing in the world. Even if my masseuse and I do somehow become overcome with our own luminous eroticism, we're still consenting adults and that's none of your business. So what if she leaves $50 richer, and if I will never speak to anyone--ever--about what I just did. Why can't everyone just be happy that we're able to enjoy the human body for the godly vessel of pleasure that it is?"--then you're a "Type Y" personality. You like to live your life like it's a souped-up GTO. You're pretty sure that if you're not allowed to wear a T-shirt into a fancy club, you don't need to be in that club in the first place. You find modern civilization wimpy and self-righteous, and you see no problem in displaying a political bumper sticker for a candidate you would still vote for, were he ever to come out of retirement and run again.

Both of these personality types are well-represented in Boise. But while the first type may have just quietly discussed, with brows clenched, the recent arrest of local strip club owner and escort service magnate Chris Teague, the second type was sincerely bummed out. Which camp is Teague himself in? It could be argued he keeps a foot in both, as he is the originator of the adult promotion known as "Art Night." In this internationally famous attempt to utilize a fine-arts loophole in the Boise city nudity ordinance, Teague passed out art supplies to patrons of his strip club, Erotic City.

In recent years, however, Teague has embarked upon an additional career in the ancient healing art of massage. In county court last week, Teague pleaded not guilty to charges that call girls from his escort and erotic massage service, AAA Anytime, were going above and beyond the call of duty for customers. The charges, said deputy Ada County prosecuting attorney Jonathan Medema, came after a police informant applied to AAA, and Teague ordered her to strip naked during the interview.

"Once he had the girls naked, he would say, 'Now I know you're not a police officer, and then he would talk with them about the business,'" Medema told BW last Friday. "These girls were being hired as prostitutes. Calling them an escort, or calling [it] 'erotic massage' has nothing to do with what they're actually there for."

Teague told local TV station KTVB 7 on Monday that he felt the charges were in some degree retaliation by the city of Boise for the embarrassment it suffered due to the Art Night controversy. He added that his business provided dates, massages, private lap dances and stripteases, but not sex for money. Teague did not return a phone call from BW on Monday.

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