August 4 2004 

FINDING THE HOLLOW EARTH

If you've ever wanted to cruise up to the North Pole and find out if there really is an entrance to the fabled paradise inside the hollow earth here's your chance. Explorer Steve Curry is organizing a 24-day expedition aboard a Russian nuclear icebreaker which will take 100 people on a mission to find the entrance to the hollow earth and the highly advanced race of people who supposedly live there. The trip will set you back about $18,950, but promises adventures beyond your wildest dreams. Once inside the hollow earth, you'll meet the legendary lost tribes of Israel who migrated there in 687 B.C. You'll also take the inner earth monorail train to visit the lost Garden of Eden, and you'll visit the palace of the Great High Priest of the Inner World, a direct decendant of King David. You think I'm making this up? Guess again ... book your trip at www.expeditioncompany.

ANOTHER REASON TO AVOID JOINING THE ARMY

The mad geniuses of the U.S. Army have come up with another invention you'd probably like to live without: dried food pouches that can be rehydrated with your own urine. Yummy! The U.S. Army Soldier Systems Center in Massachusetts, which two years ago created a sandwich which could stay fresh for three years, has now figured out a way to reduce the amount of water soldiers need to carry for their food supply. A specially designed filter inside the dehydrated pouches of food will enable soldiers to create a meal using the filthiest water they can find, or even their own urine. An engineer at the company that creates the filters was kind enough to explain that urine should only be used "in an absolute emergency," as if anyone would use their own pee to cook food if they didn't really have to. (New Scientist)

BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE, AND MUCH MORE

On the other hand, joining the army does have its fringe benefits. For example, the

New Yorker

magazine reported last week that members of all four branches of the U.S. military and their dependents are eligible for free plastic surgery including face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs. Army brass justified the freebies by claiming that military surgeons need patients to practice on. Between 2002 and 2004, the military performed 496 boob jobs and 1,361 liposuction surgeries. (Yahoo News)

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY (IF YOUR FAMILY IS A BUNCH OF FREAKS)

For those of you who still think arcade games are just for kids, think again. The Japanese have invented a game called Boong-Ga Boong-Ga in which you shove your finger up the butthole of a character of your choice and watch them writhe in pain. The video console comes complete with a prosthetic arse conveniently bent over and awaiting your finger insertion. After you shove it in there, the character's face on the video screen will twitch in pain and scream if you shove it in hard enough (bonus points are awarded for the hardest shoves). The game makers promise that "the funny face expressions will make people laugh and relieve stress," and offer eight different characters for you to torment, including ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, gangster, mother-in-law, gold digger, prostitute, child molester and con artist. (syberpunk.com)

NATURE'S BEST HIGH

A man in Maine who was struck by lightning last week says the accident has left him feeling better and with more energy than he has had in years. "I'm feeling like my body is light," said John Corson, 58, "it's the best I've probably felt as far as energy in 10 years." While most lightning-strike survivors do manage to survive the event, they often report long-term debilitating symptoms. Corson, on the other hand, has been given a power surge. (Kennebec Journal)

SAVE THE ANIMALS

Scientists have begun an international project called Frozen Ark that will create a vast DNA and tissue bank of animals that face the possibility of extinction. Priority is being given to animals that are already extinct in the wild and those which face extinction within the next five years. Eventually, scientists hope to store the genetic material of 1,130 species of mammals (24 percent) and 1,183 species of birds (12 percent). The scientists who presented the project to the United Nations Environmental Program claimed that future biologists would find "many uses" for the DNA bank, but most likely it would simply be used to create clones of species that die out. (Telegraph) :

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