Bed Death 

Dear Minerva,

I've been married for over 20 years. I not only love my spouse, but after all of these years, I still want my spouse in every sense of the word. The problem now, though, is that with the kids grown and gone, the sex has dried up. I still want it, and I still ask, even beg, for it. My spouse has told me the sexual part of our lives is over. I refuse to believe that. I love my spouse, but I'm not dead. I still have needs. What can I do?

Sincerely,

Bed Death

Dear BD,

This is a difficult and delicate situation. In general, people are sexual beings. It's unrealistic to assume with age comes a forfeiture of our sex lives. If there's an underlying issue causing the loss of desire, I suggest you consult a doctor for viable options. If this doesn't rectify the issue, then I suggest counseling to try and reach a point of understanding. I don't know what kind of vows you made with your spouse, but we can't pretend sex and intimacy are not part of a fulfilling relationship. To me, any spouse who truly loves their partner would try to salvage this part of their lives and if they can't, would want their spouse to ultimately be fulfilled. I caution you, don't make any decisions until you have tried to work it out—together. I hope you can both reach a mutually satisfying agreement.

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