Dear Minerva,

I'm bisexual, currently seeing a man. I don't hide being bi, but I'm most often treated as I appear: a straight, white woman. I was recently involved in a confrontation with a man who aggressively "spoke the truth about his hate" regarding POC and LGBTQ. I spoke up, politely at first, but then my own anger came out, and I wasn't polite or civil. His reaction was one of disgust. He asked me if I wanted my children to grow up in a world where "the gays, the blacks and the trannies" were taking over. I told him I didn't, but not for the reasons he listed. He asked me why I cared so much about his tirade. I should have told him I'm bi, but I was afraid of him. I'm ashamed that I was afraid. Do you think I should've told him?



Dear Bi-Furious,

Whether or not you came out to him is less important than the fact that you stood up and said something. However, it does bring up passing privilege. Because you pass as a straight, white woman, you reap the benefit of being automatically accepted. The problem with this is twofold: You feel guilt for hiding your truth while still being able to mask your truth when you feel afraid. That is not something many POC or LGBTQ people have the luxury of doing. You are free to be as out as you want to be, but don't ever stop standing up for what is right.

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