BUT THE SHAREHOLDERS ARE HAPPY • STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE WEEKS • THE UNIVERSE LOOKS PRETTY GOOD FOR ITS AGE • COLD HARD TRASH 

BUT THE SHAREHOLDERS ARE HAPPY

Need a good hate-on? Check out the very thoroughly documented report titled "The Top 10 Worst Corporations of 2005" for a smorgasbord of bribery, profiteering, polluting, poisoning and the mistreatment of humans, animals and the environment in every conceivable way. This year's top 10 worst corporations, in alphabetical order, are BP, Delphi, Dupont, ExxonMobil, Ford, Halliburton, KPMG, Roche, Suez, W.R. Grace. Did I mention that most of the corporations posted record profits last year thanks to oil price profiteering? Get the facts at MultinationalMonitor.org.

STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE WEEKS

A couple of weeks back, we learned of a judge in the Philippines who was relieved of his duties after his superiors discovered that the judge believed that he could see into the future and used imaginary dwarf friends to help him render decisions. Last week, the judge went in front of Manila's Supreme Court to plead his case. "They should not have dismissed me for what I believe," said former judge Florentino Floro. "This is the first time this happened in the Judiciary." So far, no word on whether the Supreme Court judges will re-instate him, but things don't look good, considering new information which came forth during the hearing, when Floro confessed that he had three dwarf friends named Armand, Luis, and Angel and that he conducted psychic healing sessions in his chamber during breaks. Floro also let it slip that he could inflict pain and sickness on people ... good luck! (INQ7.net)

THE UNIVERSE LOOKS PRETTY GOOD FOR ITS AGE

A radical new theory proposed by theoretical physicists suggests that the universe may be infinitely old and infinitely large. The new study suggests that time did not begin along with the Big Bang 14 billion year ago, but that "big bangs" happen repeatedly in a never-ending cycle of universal expansion and contraction. Under this new theory, the universe must be at least a trillion years old and have experienced innumerable "big bangs" and "big crunches." (By the way, this theory has been lifted directly from the Bhagavad Gita.) "I think it is much more likely to be far older than a trillion years though," said Professor Neil Turok, a theoretical physicist at the University of Cambridge. "There doesn't have to be a beginning of time. According to our theory, the universe may be infinitely old and infinitely large." Fortunately, the next big crunch won't gobble us all up for at least 10 billion more years. (The Guardian)

COLD HARD TRASH

What the heck is up with Japanese dudes hiding their money in the trash? Last week we learned of one incredibly fortunate man who was able to retrieve over 5 million yen ($42,210) from the dump after his wife threw out the garbage ... including his hidden stash. This week almost $275,000 has turned up at an industrial waste site and police are seeking its rightful owner. So far, six people have claimed the money, but none with proof that the money is theirs. (AFP)

THIS IS A ONE-TIME OFFER

OK guys, if you can pull off the character of naive young virgin, you can get a great deal on sex. A brothel in Germany has become the first to offer special deals and special women to cater to customers who have never had sex. I'm not exactly sure how they plan to separate the real virgins from the johns looking for a deal, but thankfully that's not my problem. And to make it a really special experience, the prostitutes have been given "sensitivity training" in order to deal with the supposed fragile emotional state of the virgin male. That is so sweet ... (Reuters)

THINGS ARE Great SINCE MY BAD LUCK CHARM DIED

Since the death of his nagging wife, 81-year-old Keith Selix of Iowa has managed to win three large prizes in his local lotteries. "She thought I was wasting away my money," said Selix, but now that she is gone, he believes that she is somehow helping him to cash in. His wife died in February of 2005, and since that time Selix has won three prizes totalling $82,000. (WCFCourier.com)

"I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK

Britian's male drivers waste nearly six million hours a year lost on the road due to their unwillingness to ask for directions.

Get way more at www.curioustimes.com.

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