Charlie Sheen Is Man-and-a-Half On His Own 

The tiger's blood continues to course through his veins

Two and a Half Men sucks but drug addiction and hooker abuse are equally bad. So what are we to make of the blessings the latter have bestowed upon us by stopping production on Charlie Sheen's crappy show?

Pass the pipe and praise debauchery, because without those magic elixirs--including, in his words, "bangin' 7-gram rocks"--Sheen wouldn't have given us the greatest show on Earth: his public descent into Kafkaesque lunacy.

The limitations of the space-time continuum preclude exploring the glorious fount of his recent tirades with any hint of analytical justice, but it's still fun to give the whole mess a surface glance.

After calling himself a warlock and demanding a raise for the laugh-track sitcom that even he called a "pukefest," Sheen told The Today Show, "I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin'--a total freakin' rock star from Mars."

It's odd to hear a 45-year-old father of five kids use the word "bitchin'"--but imagine the torment of knowing you're a talented Martian musician while having to disguise yourself as an average $2-million-per-episode TV star. And on the business side of things, Sheen predicted that "they're going to rename it Charlie Bros., not Warner Bros." That certainly has a better ring to it than "Emilio Estevez's Brother Bros."

According to the rock star with "tiger blood and Adonis DNA," it took him an hour to conquer his addictions. That's impressive, especially when compared to the tales of people who took all afternoon to get sober.

And now he has work to do.

"I won Best Picture at 20--I wasn't even trying," Sheen told NBC. "I wasn't even warm." He then mentioned the possibility of Major League 3. First of all, Arnold Kopelson, the producer of Platoon got the award. Secondly, the weird thing is that Sheen considers an Oscar-winning film a mere stepping stone to Major League 3.

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