Christmas Misfits 

Dear Minerva,

My husband's family does not like me so I'm never invited to his family functions. On the flip side, my family hates him and recently told me he's not invited to family functions. We ended up eating out on Thanksgiving because we had nowhere to go. Now Christmas is coming up and I feel like I have to choose between spending the day with my husband or with my family. I already missed Thanksgiving and now we're fighting because we will both be bummed if the other person chooses their family. I don't know what to do for Christmas. Help!

—Christmas Misfits

Dear Christmas Misfits,

No matter how much we want to believe that families stick together, it isn't the reality for many people. Your families can't overcome their own feelings and, now, because of their hatred, you are fighting with each other. Show your families that it is unacceptable for them to be putting you in this position. Start making your own holiday traditions together—without them. Don't spend Christmas with either family. Let them miss your presence in their lives. If they can't overcome their personal problems for a few hours a year, then I would question their ability to love you unconditionally. I've said this before: Just because you are related by blood doesn't mean you have to let your family into the VIP section of your heart. Yes it may be painful, but your family needs some tough love this year. Good luck, doll.

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