CURIOUS TIMES FEB. 11 EDITION 

URINE THE ARMY NOW

While NASA continues its pioneering work of turning an astronaut's urine into drinking water, the mad geniuses of the U.S. Army have come up with another invention you'd probably like to live without: dried food pouches that can be rehydrated with your old piss. The U.S. Army Soldier Systems Center that invented a sandwich that could stay fresh for three years has now figured out a way to reduce the amount of water soldiers need to carry for their food supply. A specially designed filter inside the dehydrated pouches of food will enable soldiers to create a meal using the filthiest water they can find, or even their own urine. An engineer at the company that creates the filters was kind enough to explain that urine should only be used "in an absolute emergency," as if anyone would use their own pee to cook food if they didn't really have to. (New Scientist)

INSANITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION

As hard as it might be to wait, try to hang on just a little bit longer before you spend that $100,000 in order to clone your pet dog. A biotech firm in South Korea has created a new method of cloning animals that they claim will bring down the cost to about $50,000 within three years. (Reuters)

HOW NOT TO BUY DRUGS

Here's this week's genius for you: Cleveland police report that they arrested a man who called 911 and then proceeded to carry out a drug deal while the dispatcher was on the line. Apparently the dimwit called 911 to report that two men with guns were watching him and then hung up. When the dispatcher called back the man answered the phone and asked him to hold on while he completed a drug deal, at which point police were sent to the scene to arrest him. (Yahoo News)

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN FABULOUS

Police officers in India have discovered a new secret weapon in fighting crime—large moustaches. According to the Indian Express, officers in Madhya Pradesh are growing massive moustaches in order to join an elite 50-member team of officers that has had great success keeping the crime rate down with their hairy upper lips. Officers discovered the tactic after finding that criminals with large moustaches tend to intimidate their victims more, and they hope this will work in their favor to intimidate criminals as well. "These men would patrol sensitive pockets in the district on motorcycles, employing psychological tactics against criminals and keeping them at bay," said a senior official. "Though guns and thick moustaches had been traditionally associated with bandits dwarfing their victims psychologically, this 'warfare' would be employed against criminals here."

THE KINGS ENGLISH

The town of Birmingham, England, has decided once and for all to ban all apostrophes from their street signs. The debate has pitted city officials against grammar geeks since the 1950s, when the city began dropping apostrophes from street signs and sparked a protest from traditionalists. But last week, the city council made the ban official once and for all. "I had to make a final decision on this," said councilor Martin Mullaney. "We keep debating apostrophes in meetings, and we have other things to do." (Yahoo News)

THERE'S GOLD IN THEM THAR TURDS

Japan has discovered a new source of revenue as its sewage treatment plants have been finding a record amount of gold amongst the shit they treat. The Suwa sewage treatment plant in central Japan recently recorded 1,890 grams of gold per ton of incinerated sludge, making it a vastly more productive gold producer than Japan's Hishikari gold mine, which usually finds 20 to 40 grams of precious metals per ton of ore. Japan expects to earn about 15 million yen from sewage this year. (Reuters)

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

Every time a man has sex, he produces enough sperm to fertilize every woman in Europe.

More bizarro news at curioustimes.com.

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