Curious Times: Multimillionaire Issues, Casino Refunds, Serving Aliens 

BECAUSE SUFFERING FROM ONE LIFE'S WORTH OF PAIN IS NEVER ENOUGH

A 72-year-old Dutch psychotherapist has set up shop in Nepal and is now offering "reincarnation therapy" to help cure your chronic pain and illnesses. "People often suffer from pains which have no apparent cause," says Peter Langedijk. "These are usually problems associated with their past lives. When they are taken back there, the pain dogging them for years is cured in half an hour." For a small fee, Langedijk will regress you back to your past lives in order to find the source of your present-life pains. After you are aware of what is causing the problem, he uses a combination of hypnotic commands and relaxation techniques to cure the problem areas once and for all. "Perhaps it is fantasy," says the doctor, "but it helps." (newkerala.com)

IT ONLY TAKES ONE LITTLE SPERMAZOID TO RUIN YOUR LIFE

From the "Kids, Don't Try This At Home" department comes a new study published in the journal Contraception, which claims that pulling out can rival condoms as a method of birth control. Yeah, right. The study claims that pulling out before ejaculation 100 percent of the time has a failure rate of about 4 percent, while "more realistic estimates" for the withdrawal method indicate about an 18 percent pregnancy rate. These numbers are remarkably similar to those of condoms, which have perfect-use and typical-use failure rates of 2 percent and 17 percent.

PROBLEMS WE'D LIKE TO HAVE

Here's a new one. A 22-year-old woman who married an 84-year-old multimillionaire filed for divorce after just five months because the old man's energy level was just too much for her. "He was very hard for me to keep up with," explained Kristin Georgi. "When you climb on your own jet for the 10th time and everything in four days ... It was a bit too fast-paced for me." (thepittsburghchannel.com)

NO REFUNDS IN A CASINO

A compulsive gambler in Australia is pushing his luck with an attempt to sue a casino for letting him lose over $30 million over a four-month period. Harry Kakavas is now trying to recover $20.5 million with his lawsuit. The casino claims that they had tried to get Kakavas to stop gambling when he hit his losing skid but with no success. The final straw came when he lost $2 million in 43 minutes, and the casino finally banned the gambler when he wouldn't stop on his own. (smh.com)

WHAT DID I MISS?

Next time you head to the movies, first check out runpee.com, which will tell you the best times in each movie to run to the bathroom without missing too much action.

HOW TO SERVE ALIENS

And now, as payback for all the humans who have had to suffer through anal probes, comes an incredibly useful Web site called "How to Cook an Alien." Along with the many reasons for eating our intergalactic visitors (reason No. 2: "They ate Elvis."), comes excellent advice as to the different flavors of aliens (reptoid meat is the lowest in fat and cholesterol content and is good for those with a heart condition), tips on how to catch an alien (lay a trail of M&Ms or some such candy toward the trap, and the creature will blindly follow the trail) and, of course, plenty of great alien recipes, such as Mixed Alien Gumbo, Roast Filet of Gray, Minced Reptoid and Three Alien Pizza. Bon appetit. Fire up the barbecue and point your browser at users.bigpond.net.au.

GOD IS AN ACCOMPLICE TO MURDER

I suppose there's no harm in praying for a new job or something, but if your daughter stops walking, talking and drinking water, you better get your ass to a hospital or you might end up facing murder charges. This is the fate of a mother in Washington state who is being charged with homicide after praying for her daughter's healing when she became gravely ill. Unfortunately, God was busy running a universe and didn't bother helping the child. "It was a tragic loss, and we miss our granddaughter very much," said the child's grandmother. "But we believe God had a purpose in taking her. We don't understand, but God's ways are perfect and sure." (Yahoo News)

INTERNET FACT OF THE WEEK

Playing Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell" nonstop makes plants grow faster.

More bizarro news at curioustimes.com.

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