CURIOUS TIMES OCT. 22 EDITION 

YOUR 5,000th BIRTHDAY BASH WILL BE QUITE THE PARTY

A professor at Michigan State University claims new advances in science could enable humans to live at least a few centuries and perhaps up to 5,000 years. Michael Fossel, clinical professor of medicine and author of the book Cells, Aging and Human Disease, says that the technology exists to turn back the entire aging process. At a longevity conference in Sydney, Australia, Fossel explained that experiments have already been able to reset the clock of skin cells. "What we essentially do is reset the cells to do what they used to do when you were young," he said. "We don't change them ... we just reset them to do exactly what they did decades prior to what they are doing now." He added that these experiments have worked perfectly in the lab and suggest that cells could just as easily be reset in a person's heart, enabling them to live indefinitely. "There's a guy at Cambridge who says it's 5,000 years," said Fossel, when asked about the limit of human life. "I'd say it probably would be a couple of centuries, but the way I often described the limit is indefinite, because really I don't know." (AFP)

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU'RE DUMBER THAN SARAH PALIN

Sarah Palin may be too stupid to vote, let alone be vice president, but that's nothing compared to some of her followers. A man down in Tennessee celebrated the birth of his daughter last week by going behind his wife's back in order to register the new baby's name as Sarah McCain Palin. "I was actually gonna name the baby John McCain, even as the girl, but I thought that was maybe too overboard," admitted proud new daddy Mark Ciptak. He also admitted to causing a distraction at the hospital so that he could fill out two birth certificates and sneak his name into the registry without his wife's knowledge. "With the stress of everything going on, she, I guess, didn't realize that a new form was printed with my handwriting." (Tricities.com)

THE SIMPLE LIFE

You may be suffering through a sexual dry spell, but however long it's been, it's nothing compared to the world's oldest virgin, a 105-year-old British woman who has never had sex in her entire life. "I've just never been interested in or fancied having sex. I imagine there's a lot of hassle involved," said Clara Meadmore, who explained that when she was young, having sex meant getting married and she had made up her mind at a young age that she would always remain single and knew that she would live a celibate life at the tender age of 12. (The Sun UK)

IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU MOAN

On the other hand, there are people who have way too much sex, like the people at the porno production company that offered Virgin Galactic $1 million last week to allow them to film a porn flick in space. Virgin Galactic president Will Whitehorn said the offer to film sex in zero-gravity was "money we had to refuse, I'm afraid." The company is continuing with its plan to make money the old-fashioned way, by charging $200,000 per person for two-hour sub-orbital flights starting in 2010. (Fox News)

FULL DAY'S SUPPLY OF MOLD

Unfortunately nobody sells them yet, but someone came up with the perfect solution for anyone who has ever had their food stolen out of the office fridge. The Anti-Theft Lunch Bag is a normal sandwich bag with green moldy splotches printed on it in order to make the sandwich inside look like a biology experiment that's been sitting in the back of the fridge for far too long. Check out the pic at curioustimes.com.

EAT AT A McDONALD'S FIVE MILES FROM HOME and YOU'LL BE EVEN

The Sun UK has created a handy chart for you to clip out and stick to your fridge that will remind you of how far you would have to walk in order to work off the excessive calories in your favorite junk food. Nutritionists calculated that you would need to walk almost 10 miles in order to work off the 1,411 calories in a Big Mac Meal, six miles to walk off a KFC meal and about 3.5 miles to walk off a plate of fish and chips. In comparison, eating a stick of celery only requires a short 0.013 of a mile walk.

INTERNET FACT OF THE WEEK

There is $70 million of fake US currency in circulation in the United States, 75 percent of which is in $100 bills.

More bizarro news at curioustimes.com.

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