Curious Times 

SMELLS LIKE TEEN JESUS

I doubt that when Jesus rose from the dead his followers waved to him and said, "Smell ya later," but they could have, as a company in South Dakota is doing great business with candles which they claim smell like their Lord. "You can't see him and you can't touch him," says Bob Tosterud, co-founder of the company. "This is a situation where you may be able to sense him by smelling. And it provides a really new dimension to one's experience with Jesus." Bob's wife Karen came up with the idea, claiming that Psalm 45 suggests that Jesus' robes carried the scents of myrrh, aloe and cassia. She combined these oils to create what she believes Jesus probably smelled like, and then had her friend create candles out of the oils. The candles are marked up to an outrageous $18 each and are selling out all over the country.

"It's the only one on the market and everyone tells us it's very unique and nothing like it," says Karen Tosterud. "We wanted people to be able to experience Christ in new ways and to be able to read a Bible and have that scent and that candle as a reminder that he is with us all the time." (NBC)

I'VE STOPPED SMOKING, BUT I CAN'T GET RID OF THIS ERECTION

Now that the giant pharmaceutical companies have created drugs to solve every single one of our problems (yes, you do detect a hint of sarcasm), research has turned to finding a magic pill to help stop smoking. The race is on between companies in Britain, America and France, who all hope that a pill that can help stop the addictive effects of nicotine will be the next lucrative industry. Various approaches are being developed, including creating drugs which mimic or block nicotine's chemical reactions within the body, or simply creating a drug which occupies the pleasure receptors in the brain so the pleasure created by cigarettes cannot be felt, thereby eliminating the cravings when a person stops smoking. Scientists have high hopes for this area of research and hope that a drug which successfully fights smoking could be modified to treat alcohol and drug abuse. (AP)

MUSIC TO DRIVE YOURSELF BATTY

If you're looking to get a dumb song stuck in your head until you slowly go insane, look no further than a Web site devoted to the 100 "best" television theme songs ever composed. According to the person responsible for this mess, many of these songs "are as cool and fantastic as any 'real' song ever made." You be the judge, at www.retrocrush.com/tvthemes.

THANK YOU DOCTOR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER

This may be very old news for spanking fetishists, but a Moscow newspaper reports that at least two Russian scientists have suggested that a few rounds of ass-whacking could be used as a treatment for drug and alcohol addiction, depression, suicidal tendencies and psychosomatic disorders. In a paper supposedly titled, "Pain affliction as a method of treatment for addictive behavior and other manifestations of non-vitalistic activity," Dr. Sergei Speransky claims that corporal punishment doled out on a regular basis releases enough endorphins into the patients' brains to reinvigorate their zest for life. He recommends a treatment of 30 sessions, each session consisting of 60 whacks to the buttocks of the patient, preferably delivered by a doctor of the opposite sex. "I am not sadistic," said Dr. Speransky, "but I do advocate caning."

Another doctor, who claims to have 10 regular patients, said, "At first they didn't like it, but when they started to feel the benefits, they kept asking for more." (Mosnews.com)

ONE DOWN, ONE TO GO

A couple of weird man vs. cute little animal stories this week: The first comes out of West Virginia where some nut killed his family dog with a pickax because the dog's name-Felony-reminded him of his recent felony charges for the theft of a pickup truck. Meanwhile, a British man is asking for donations from the public in order to stop him from slaughtering his pet rabbit. Go make your donation at www.savetoby.com, which promises that "Toby is the cutest little bunny on the planet. Unfortunately he will die on June 30, 2005, if you don't help." Whoever built this site says that only a total of $50,000 will stop him from making rabbit stew out of Toby. The weirdest thing about this sorry tale is that the Web site has already collected over $20,000 from concerned dummies.

Get waaaay more bizarre news at www.curioustimes.com.

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