En-GAY-ged in Idaho 

Dear Minerva,

My fiancé and I are trying to plan our wedding. The question is not whether to invite my father, but rather how to tell him he's not invited. Suffice to say, he did horrific things to my sister, and she and her children are naturally a part of the wedding. On the one hand, I don't want to hurt my dad by telling him that he's not invited, but on the other, he did something unforgivable to one of his children, so should I even feel bad if I tell him that we eloped, even though we didn't? What do I do?

—Sincerely, EnGAYged in Idaho.

Dear EnGAYged,

I feel like I need to take a Xanax for you! No one is guaranteed an invitation. There are two ways I looks at this. First option: since it is your wedding, simply do not send him an invitation. He must be aware of what he has done and therefore, must live with the consequences of an unforgivable act. If the issue comes, explain that he cannot attend out of respect for your sister. Second option: send him a letter explaining that you're getting married but out of respect for your sister, he's not invited. I would avoid telling him you've "eloped" as he'll undoubtedly find out that you didn't. That would be a lie on top of the disappointment. This isn't easy, but acting with integrity now will make you feel better in the long run. Good luck and congratulations!

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