Executive-Level Drinking 

Between the holidays and the inauguration of President Donald Trump, it has been a hard-drinking season. Our liquor cabinet at BWHQ is a little bereft and a little bizarre, as all the go-to liquors have long since gone to our livers. We're left with B-, C- and D-list boozes. We're creative people, however, so we cobbled together a few Trump-themed concoctions that—whatever their serious flaws—will get the job done.

The Bigly

We went straight to the top with this mixture of Celtic Honey Liqueur (60 proof) and ginger ale. The honey liquor pays homage to Trump's Scottish heritage (Celtic Honey is Irish, but we're playing fast and loose these days) while the ginger ale is a nod toward the commander in chief's status as a teetotaller. Vaguely urinal in color, one taster noted "it has the look of champagne, much like a Trump steak has the look of a steak." Somewhat oily and super sweet, we added a few drops of Angostura bitters to deepen the color and cut the saccharine flavor. The Trump coiffure-esque orange peel garnish is just for show... which we figure he'd appreciate.

Pink Pence Fizz

Mixed in honor of Vice President Mike Pence, we used the last of our Martin Miller's Gin—chosen for its colorless appearance and propensity to produce a mean drunk. Next, we introduced a few drops of bitters (because, well, bitter), a dash of grenadine for his hard-right bent and topped it off with soda water. Too complex? Maybe. One taster asked, "Is this too many ingredients for a guy who's probably a single-issue voter?" Ultimately, it's a pretty bland cocktail, which is fitting, but its payload of gin is treacherous—which is also fitting.

Fear and Self-Loathing in D.C.

Paying homage to first lady Melania Trump is tough business. She's a bit of a sphinx, but so is this drink, built from a shot of 100-proof Bistra Slivovitz—a common spirit in her home country of Slovenia—1 ounce of 45-proof blackberry liqueur from Whidbey Island Distillery, a drizzle of maple syrup and a squeeze of fresh lemon juice. After much discussion, we decided the color evokes an unhealthy renal system and the nose carries a powerful, sour fruit tone. It looks fancy, though, and packs an immediate wallop. "This is something you'd drink if you feel like punishing yourself," one taster said. Not that it's terrible—there's a sense of abandoned despair to it, which somehow feels appropriate. Final verdict: "You wouldn't order it on your way to the firing squad unless you were a member of the firing squad and didn't want to feel too guilty later."


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