February 15, 2006 

THE DECLINE AND FALL OF EASTERN CIVILIZATION

Eight days of sell-outs at Hong Kong's Disneyland resulted in angry families storming the gates and tossing their children over the fences in order to gain entrance to the theme park during the recent Lunar New Year holiday. (Local6.com)

NEXT WEEK'S RECIPE—HOW TO COOK Your BRAIN CELLS

The phenomenal educational value of the Internet has never been more powerfully demonstrated than with a site helpfully titled "How to Cook an Egg with Two Mobile Phones." All you need is two cellphones, a radio, an egg and the simple 8-step instructional manual at Wymsey.co.uk/wymchron/cooking.htm. (Hey, I have to slog through a lot of crap to bring you choice nuggets of information like this so at least you could feign some interest.) The helpful advice on this site also suggests you wait until the evening to take advantage of free local calls, otherwise you'll end up spending three bucks just to cook one egg.

FOR PSYCHOS TOO LAZY TO ACTUALLY STALK ...

Of course, if you're above the age of 6, you might want to do something much more sinister with your cellphone. In which case I would suggest you read an article in The Guardian which gives you just enough information to figure out how to stalk someone simply by gaining access to their cellphone for about five minutes. In that time, you will be able to set up a tracking beacon which will tell you exactly where the person is at any time of day or night, within 150 yards, as long as the person's cellphone is on. Then you simply log onto a Web site and pay about 10 bucks to view and track their movements on the online map. Check it out at Guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1699080,00.html

I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN, SO SEND MY TAX BILL TO MY PARENTS

An Albertan man who tried to avoid paying his taxes by arguing that he doesn't actually have a name didn't quite convince the judge in his case and now will be forced to pay his taxes plus a $3,450 fine. James Clifford Hanna claimed that the name as assigned to his birth certificate by the government in Alberta when he was born, but that he never actually accepted the name and bears no responsibility for debts and obligations now attached to the name. The government's belief that he is the same James Clifford Hanna who owes them taxes is hearsay, he wrote in his affidavit, stating that his name was created by and is the property of the Crown. "If you wish to collect debt instruments ... may I suggest you send your invoice and demand for performance to the ministry responsible in Alberta," concluded Hanna's affidavit. (CBC)

YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

An undercover investigation of city workers in Montreal discovered that work crews really do spend most of their time just standing around. After fielding hundreds of complaints from citizens, Mayor Benoit Labonte ordered the investigation of city workers who were paid $22 per hour each to fill nine potholes. The investigation found that it took 90 staff hours to fill the potholes, but each of the three work crews spent an average of only one hour actually doing the work. One crew spent all of six minutes of a nine-hour overnight shift working on the potholes, then spent 2.5 hours doing odd jobs and spent the rest of the shift at restaurants or their home base. (CBC)

DON'T BUG EACH OTHER OR THIS MARRIAGE WON'T LAST

Two Thai lovers who each hold world records for living with creepy insects plan to get married and spend their honeymoon inside a coffin. Kanchana Ketkaew, 36, who used to hold the world record for spending 32 days in a cage with 3,400 scorpions, will be marrying Bunthawee Sengwong, 29, who holds a similar record for spending 28 days in a box with 1,000 centipedes. The couple met while performing their stunts on a snake farm and plan to consummate their marriage vows in a coffin. (BBC)

ART IS DEAD

A Dutch artist who made his entire art exhibit out of chocolate is trying to figure out Plan B after the entire work was eaten by art lovers. George Moormann's artwork consisted of 200 chocolate letters. "I took into account that children might steal one or two letters and ordered the chocolate factory to make some 20 letters extra. But I see now they have eaten my whole exhibition."

Read more at www.curioustimes.com.

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