February 22, 2006 

WITH HUNTING BUDDIES LIKE THIS, YOU DON'T NEED ENEMIES

If you want some insight into Dick Cheney's recent hunting "accident," check out this bizarre excerpt from Trance-Formation of America, a book written in 1995 by Cathy O'Brien, a woman who claimed to be a victim of brutal mind control experiments carried out by men in the highest levels of the American government. In one excerpt of the book, O'Brien tells how Cheney used to traumatize his victims by taking them on his hunting trips: "Dick Cheney, then [assistant] White House Chief of Staff to President Ford ... was the reason my family had travelled to Wyoming where I endured yet another form of brutality—his version of 'A Most Dangerous Game,' or human hunting ... Dick Cheney had an apparent addiction to the 'thrill of the sport.'" He appeared obsessed with playing A Most Dangerous Game as a means of traumatizing mind control victims, as well as to satisfy his own perverse sexual kinks." Check out the entire strange tale at Trance-formation.com

BEAM ME UP, I'M BROKE

The Trekkie who dealt with his divorce by turning his apartment into a replica of the command deck of Star Trek's Starship Voyager has gone bankrupt after going over $200,000 into debt to finance his dream of geek world dominance. Tony Alleyne's original plan was to show off his supercool apartment to other Trekkies and have them pay him to also convert their apartments into shrines to Star Trek. After the customers didn't materialize, Alleyne tried to sell his apartment on eBay for a cool $2 million. Still no luck. "I'm still proud of what I created but it's been a financial disaster," concluded Tony after maxing out a total of 14 credit cards. Check out the funky digs at at 24thcid.com, the self-proclaimed home of "24th Century Interior Design."

BARK, BARK, BARKING AT HEAVEN'S DOOR

I know you're worried about what to do with your dog or cat after the Rapture comes and you're whisked away to meet Jesus without your little fluffy pet. Fear no more ... JesusPets.com is making all the arrangements so that you can go sit at the right hand of your lord guilt-free, knowing that your innocent animal is being taken care of by some godless heathen left behind after the Rapture. "Imagine being taken to streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his own feces trapped in your small house or apartment," exclaims this Web site. Of course, if you have no hope in hell of being in God's good books they have an opportunity for you as well. "Make hard CA$H from home while the world is in flames!" with their JesusPets Partner Program for animal lovers who are also "atheist, agnostic, Jew, Muslim or other non-Christian." Sign up at JesusPets.com.

HEY DUMMY, CONFISCATED DRUGS ARE FOR THE OFFICERS‚ PERSONAL USE ONLY

At last we have a winner in the "Stupid Things People Do For Drugs" contest. Last week Grace Sium, a 20-year-old woman in North Dakota called her local police station and asked the dispatcher where she could buy some pot. After a stern warning that pot was illegal, Sium insisted that she didn't care about that and just wanted to buy some weed, after which the police dispatcher told her that they had some confiscated drugs in the police locker and if she really wanted some she should come down to the station. Alas, Sium did exactly that, showing up at the police station with $3 and being promptly arrested. (KTRK-TV)

ADDING INSULT TO INJURY

What's worse than going to Iraq to fight in a war and having your arm blown to shreds by a roadside bomb? Coming home because of your injuries and having the army charge you $700 for letting your body armor get blown up. So goes the tale of 1st Lt. William "Eddie" Rebrook IV, who was forced to come up with the cash because nobody bothered to record the fact that his body armor was destroyed during battle and incinerated as a biohazard. "I last saw the [body armor] when it was pulled off my bleeding body while I was being evacuated in a helicopter," Rebrook said. Tough luck, sucker, that'll be $700. (wvgazette.com)

"I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

Get waaay more bizarro news at www.curioustimes.com.

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