FIRST YOU STEAL THE GETAWAY CAR, THEN YOU STEAL THE GOODS • FRIENDS CAN TURN ON YOU—YOU CAN TURN ON TV • ALL PART OF GOD'S TWISTED PLAN • AND THE WINNER OF THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS VERSUS PROSTATE CANCER 

FIRST YOU STEAL THE GETAWAY CAR, THEN YOU STEAL THE GOODS

Two would-be thieves might have gotten away with lifting a 55-inch flat-screen TV—if only they had brought a car which was big enough to fit the TV into. Responding to an alarm call at a TV and appliance store in Middletown, Ohio, last week, the police quickly spotted a tiny Mercury Sable trying to get away with the big-screen TV hanging out the side of the open back door. The couple was promptly arrested. (AP)

FRIENDS CAN TURN ON YOU—YOU CAN TURN ON TV

OK, time for some shameless self-promotion ... last week I helped launch a new Web site called TVismyFriend.com and I want you to put down this newspaper, go check it out, and sign up to receive the juiciest bits of television comedy from the past week of late-nite TV. If you've ever missed a great comedy clip from the Daily Show, Ali G., Trailer Park Boys, The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm or The Simpsons, this is the place to get your fix. Besides, it's the best possible way to waste time at work. Check it at TVismyFriend.com.

ALL PART OF GOD'S TWISTED PLAN

If you're still worshipping an antiquated God from one of the big religions you might not want to read this next bit: Mexican media reported last week that five children between the ages of 9 and 16 were struck by lightning while they were praying at a large metal cross on a hilltop in the town of Santa Maria del Rio. "The lightning went straight into them and killed them instantly," local Red Cross chief Eduardo Suarez told the daily El Norte. God was unavailable for comment. (MSNBC)

AND THE WINNER OF THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS VERSUS PROSTATE CANCER CHALLENGE IS...

If you don't mind having your a-hole on fire whenever you have to use the can, then you might be able to shrink your prostate cancer by eating an enormous amount of the hottest red hot chili peppers you can find. A study published in the journal Cancer Research last week reported that the active ingredient in hot peppers—capsaicin—somehow caused prostate cancer cells to self-destruct in mice. The team of doctors injected mice with a dose of capsaicin equal to feeding a man eight of the hottest peppers available on the market three times a week. And the results were startling, with 80 percent of the active cancer cells dying off, and tumors shrinking to one-fifth of the size of tumors in the control group. Dr. Soren Lehmann, who led the research, said that capsicin had a similar effect on human prostate cancer cells in lab dishes. (Canada.com)

THE MOTHER OF ALL BATTLERS

According to a British chat group of expectant mothers, there is growing dread among many women who fear giving birth to a devil child on the date June 6, 2006 (6/6/6). Supposedly women are scheduling C-sections with the sole purpose of avoiding being the mother of the child who brings about Armageddon. Of course, they are wasting their time, failing to realize that Satan's will cannot be thwarted ... foolish females. (The Times)

I THINK, THEREFORE I ATM

Researchers at Carleton University in Ottawa are trying to create a security system by which you could simply think your passwords and have the computer recognize your thoughts. The biometric device is still decades away from being properly functional, but scientists believe that brain-wave signatures will someday be used as "pass-thoughts." A pass-thought could be any strong memory, for example of a piece of music, a piece of art, or your favorite video clip. More likely, the system would present you with a predetermined media clip to which you would simply think "yes" or "no" to gain access. (Wired)

I LOVE IT WHEN A BAD IDEA FOR A TV SHOW COMES TOGETHER

Yes, the rumors are true. Mr. T will be launching his own talk show called I Pity The Fool this fall. In the show, Mr. T will travel across America giving advice to people with the kind of stupid problems you constantly see on daytime TV. But Mr. T promises to be unique. "My show ain't no Dr. Phil, with people sitting around crying," he says. "You're a fool—that's what's wrong with you. You're a fool if you don't take my advice." (CBC)

More at CuriousTimes.com. And don't forget the comedy clips at TVismyFriend.com.

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