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GAGfort 

Where free-spiritizing meets blitzy self-infusion

From: <alanahbronahnah@gagmediagroup.com>

To: <bcope@getthehelloffmylawn.org>

William, I have just come out of a brainstorm blitz of G.A.G. department heads and am so excited about the ideas we generated that I didn't even stop at the girl's room before in-filling you on where you might fit into the new paradigm. I expect you will be excited, too, to learn we are counting on your input for our most vigorous self-infusion into the Boise community zeitgeist to date.

Before I tell you of our exciting modifications to the G.A.G. template, first let me thank you for your advice on the "BLITZ" matter that landed on my plate several weeks ago. With your help, my team has succeeded in getting "BLITZ" on air up to 60 times a day, on average. With the success of the "BLITZ" blitz, my position as the Director of the "Trending Now Troop" is more secure than ever.

Now, about the exciting modifications. The first will impact you in no way, but you might be excited about it, anyway. To reflect G.A.G.'s commitment to acronym-driven management, the "Trending Now Troop" has been upgraded titularly to the "TNT Unit." A contingent of management personnel from the Content Marketing Division was complaining it takes too long to say "Trending Now Troop," and that it is an inefficient use of our temporal assets to put up with all that pronunciating. I thought this was unfair criticism. But I could see where the discussion was trending, so before anyone else could suggest an alternative, I came up with "TNT Unit." I'm not sure it takes any less time to say "TNT Unit" than it does "Trending Now Troop," but everybody seemed to be impressed with the "explosive" triple-"t"energy of the new title, and the issue of pronunciation-lag never came up.

The second exciting modification won't affect you, either, but I am super excited about it. We have decided to switch to almond milk in the company coffee bar. I have been pushing for that since I got here. I can't wait to have my first pumpkin spice latte without spending the rest of the morning running to the girls' room.

Now, as to your involvement in our modified 12-month out-look, I am inquiring as to whether you would be interested in helping us develop an agenda to get more out-front in the Treefort zen. I hadn't given Treefort much thought as a career enhancing opportunity, other than it was a trendingly cool place to go interfacing. (Also, I appreciate that the festival gives so many "indie" cats an opportunity to be heard. Honestly, if there were no such thing as Treefort at which we could compare their genius side-by-side, I have to wonder if we might start to suspect they actually all sounded alike.)

During the brainstorming blitz, Larry O'Clarry (our Vice Pres. of the Content Marketing Division) was commenting on the proliferation of other, non-musical aspects in the Treefort experience. I'm speaking of Storyfort, Yogafort, Hackfort, Filmfort, and any other "forts" I may have missed. Then Larry turned to me and said, "Surely, there's a place for G.A.G. in this panorama, wouldn't you say, Miss Bronahnah? Why aren't we doing that?"

I could hardly say Treefort and G.A.G. Media are about as different from one another as gluten-free granola is from Lucky Charms, so I agreed to look into the possibilities for a media conglomerate presence in the total Treefort pespective-scape. This is where you come in, William. If anyone can find a way to blend an aggressive corporate public relations blitz with a festival of free-spiritizing and creative-energization it is you. I would take this on myself if I didn't already have such a full calendar of out-sourcing new logos for the polo shirts, baseball caps, wind breakers and all the other stuff that currently read "Trending Now Troop."—Alanah Bronahnah-Dir. TNT Unit-G.A.G. Media Group

•••

Dear Alanah, congrats on that almond milk business.

Now, as to ways G.A.G. can turn Treefort to its advantage: Since your goal is to "get more out-front in the Treefort zen," I suggest you ix-nay the paradigm and out-strike in a new direction. As we learned long ago, youthful enthusiasm and alternative "perspective-scapes" are no more than a hop, skip and sell-out from being absorbed into a corporate fold. Any year now, I expect to learn that Treefort has added "Verizonfort" to its list of attractions. And "Micronfort." Perhaps even a "Nikefort" and an "L.L. Beanfort."

So rather than following the well-worn path, how about up-cranking the vocabularial energy and making it a "fort-ress?"... as in "Mediafortress" or "TreefortUpdatefortress." Better yet! How about garrison! "Community Zeitgeistgarrison," for instance . Or "GetYourFreeTNTUnittshirtgarrison."

You might even consider off-getting the whole "fort" thread entirely and going with something counterintuitive. Like... say, off the up-top of my head... meadow. I can brain-see a "FlashMobmeadow, can't you?" Or "MeetARealGAGWeathermanmeadow."

Let us off-put any final decisions, Alanah, as we have mucho time to blitz-think this with creative-energization. Will back-get to you—William

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