Heck to World: You're Wrong 

Permit me a few words about a touchy subject--specifically, how wrong you are.

Well, maybe not all of you are wrong. And those of you who are wrong are wrong for a very specific wrong-headed reason: You think the Idaho State Quarter should have a picture of a potato on it instead of a peregrine falcon. Three weeks after former Governor Kempthorne's final choice was announced, I'm still hearing grumbles ... or maybe I should call them dumbles!

Admittedly, I've had qualms with the Kempthorne camp in the past (see articles: "A Guber Gets Picked For The Interior," "Dirk Vader Quote of The Week," "The Governor Feels A Draft ... An Overdraft," "Chainsaw-in-Chief Hands Over Idaho's Hinterlands to His Sidekick, Veto-Boy" and "Behold: Dirk's Corporate Cash-Teat and Crapo's Summer-Camp For Shills"), but the Peregrine quarter was a clear choice. Consider the alternatives: The other quarter finalists (by which I mean, finalist quarters) included two mountain scenes and an arrangement of the first two lines of the state song over the shape of the state. The state song is a cop-out--it didn't even give any indication why Idaho was "winning her way to fame." And even when viewed full-screen over the Internet, it's clear that the mountain scenes are far too busy and complex to grace a commemorative dinner-plate, let alone a coin.

As for those of you who say that a tuber "better represents" our state, consider how we've fared in global media coverage when winning our way to fame is left up to our citizens. We're the home of the girl who scalped that other girl in a hot spring. We've got the strip club that held an "art night." And our loins produced Brandi Swindell, Bill "Abortion Causes Breast Cancer" Sali and the whole Nampa Public Library censorship crew.

Each time, we had no choice as a state but to sit back and soak up the embarrassment, and why? Because we're at the bottom of the food chain. Like the potato. This time, let's shake off the dirt and choose a mascot who's so high on the food chain ... it's actually a bird that survives by catching and ripping apart other birds. If you'd rather be a potato, you need therapy.

--Nicholas Collias

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