Idaho: The Vandal State 

As of press time, Idaho vandals have compiled a one-win, two-loss record—which sounds pretty bad, until the clarification is added that the author is not referring to the University of Idaho Vandals football team, whose record is 0-3. No, the focus here is on small-v vandals, who have had a grand time defacing the Gem State of late. First on the roster, on October 5, Boise Police officers noticed a juvenile male hiding in a bush on North Orchard Street. The officers searched Bushboy, and they found him in possession of "numerous" packs of BBs, a BB gun and an undisclosed amount of tobacco. A short time later, they heard word that windows at six nearby businesses had been shot out that evening, at which point they arrested Bushboy and charged him with felony malicious injury to property, along with misdemeanor tobacco possession and curfew violations.

Cut to the Northern Idaho town of Hayden, where the AP reported last Friday that the city was "reeling" after footprints and dirty words were found imprinted in newly poured sidewalk cement in the Hayden Government Way reconstruction project. Police and the cement company responded by increasing patrols, but knowing how quickly cement dries, a return to the scene of the crime seems unlikely. Score one for the delinquents.

Act three shifts the lens to Garden City, where city cops stopped 22-year-old Kyle Hoskins just after 2 a.m. on October 11 for not having a light on his bicycle. The officers noticed that Hoskins had a can of spray paint in his pocket and paint on his fingers, a la Bart Simpson in the 1990 The Simpsons episode "Bart the Genius." However, unlike Bart's visionary outdoor portrait of Principal Seymour Skinner saying, "I am a weiner [sic]," Hoskins' alleged vandalism of approximately 17 Garden City buildings was a little more opaque.

"It's kind of like W with an F attached to the side, with a dash and a sweeping arched line across the middle," reports John Cook, an employee at Veritas Fine Books, one of the targeted businesses.

"It looks like an O and an M and kinda like a Greek letter theta and an equals sign," adds Bob Finney at the Veterans of Foreign Wars hall. "I think it says 'Oneaf,' whatever that means."

Hoskins was charged with a felony count of malicious injury to property and two counts misdemeanor probation violations.

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