July 14 2004 

BEER IS GOOD FOOD

As Germany's national pastime of drinking beer begins to fall out of favor with a new generation fearing the dreaded beer belly, at least one brewery has decided that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and created the world's first anti-aging health beer. The Neuzeller Kloster Brewery has begun mixing their traditional recipe with a specially selected breed of seaweed, local hot spring water, flavonoids, and a natural anti-bacterial ingredient to create what they hope will lure back health-conscious youth who have switched from beer to red wine. "Beer is and always was the healthiest drink," said brewery owner Stefan Fritsche. "Our beer has double the anti-oxidant effect of other beers." The company has also been promoting its new "bathing beer," a beer they claim is equally good for internal or external use. Package tours are now available at a German health spa where you can unwind in a tub of warm beer and at the same time knock back a few. "For lots of people it is a big dream to be able to say they bathed in beer," said a spokesperson for the spa. "But you can't overlook the positive effects it has ... the hops relax and the beer also has important minerals to replenish the skin." (Reuters)

GOING UP, WAAAAY UP

According to scientists working with NASA, the technology is now available to build an elevator 62,000 miles into space. Bradley Edwards, the head of the space elevator project at the Institute for Scientific Research claims the $10 billion elevator could be operational in less than 15 years. "It's not new physics--nothing new has to be discovered, nothing new has to be invented from scratch," he says. "The major obstacle is probably just politics or funding and those two are the same thing." Edwards' envisions a three-foot-wide cable made of nanotubes attached to a platform on the equator. The elevator could carry a payload of up to 13 tons, and could eventually be used as a cheaper, safer form of space travel that would some day be used to carry explorers to other planets. (Yahoo News)

AND LATER, SMASHING THE RECORD FOR WORLD'S SMELLIEST BOWEL MOVEMENT

As expected, Japanese speed-eating champion Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi left the rest of the competition in the dust at the Coney Island Fourth of July hot dog eating championships, breaking his own record by wolfing down 53 hot dogs in 12 minutes. "I think he has proven, once again, that he is one of the finest athletes of any sport in the world," overstated a spokesman for the contest. (BBC)

SPAM SELLS

If you've ever wondered why you receive dozens of stupid spam messages ever day, it's because, believe it or not, they work. According to a global survey of 37,000 Internet users, a whopping 20 percent of Internet users say they have bought products advertised through spam. This means that one out of every four people you know is a completely ignorant moron (not you, of course!). The survey also found that most people would be more devastated by losing e-mail access than by losing their television set. (azcentral.com)

FINALLY, A BANK THAT SPEAKS TO ME

Smashing every stereotype you've ever had about Germans, bankers, and German bankers, the head of a German bank has released advice to his customers to stop concerning themselves so much with the acquisition of money and begin having more sex and getting more sleep. James Montier, strategist for Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein, said, "I thought it was time that I reminded people there was more to life than watching screens every day." (Reuters)

A PENNY SAVED IS A WASTE OF TIME

A man in California is having a tough time cashing in one million pennies he collected in order to win a bet with his brother. Ron England, 60, has 3.6 tons of pennies stashed in his garage, but hasn't been able to find anyone to trade him his treasure for $10,000. England has approached the U.S. Mint, the U.S. Comptroller of Currency, coin collectors and his local bank, but nobody is willing to give him real money without charging him a hefty handling fee. "I've been working seriously for the past two weeks to get rid of these pennies," England told the Los Angeles Daily News. "It's kind of frustrating. Nobody will take them without charging me." To add insult to injury, his brother claims he can't remember making a bet. Supposedly, he owes Ron dinner in Paris for managing to accumulate one million pennies. (Reuters) :

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