July 6, 2005 

Illegal Aliens•A Final Fourth?•River Prohibition•Get Out Now•Just a Question•A Slow Mail Week

Illegal Aliens

Respect works both ways, Mr. Antonio (BW, Mail, "A View from Over the Border," June 29, 2005). The illegal aliens who enter the USA do so illegally and are showing absolutely no respect toward the USA or the people who legally enter and/or reside here.

Mr. Vasquez has my support. Illegal aliens do not.

-Howard Martin,

Sun Valley

a final fourth?

As a child, the inner pyro in me was fascinated by fireworks. As David Thrussel puts it, "Magic is just technology you can't grasp." Growing up in Alaska, I eventually developed a deep respect for nature and life, which spawned this inevitable epiphany. It is another one of those things that causes me to visualize a group of old men up in some high-rise around a glossy table laughing at all of us fools. My epiphany was the realization that we Americans wage an annual war against nature, and we pretend we're celebrating our (pseudo) patriotism or freedom. Think about it. We stock up on weapons, then all day July 4th we casually bombard the planet with bombs, missiles, flares, gunshots to the air. I bet the noise stresses the shit out of not only my cats, but all the native animals. And who ever hunts down the carcass of that bottle-rocket to properly discard it? New Years' is a bit more tactical. We synchronize our attacks into a big, hourly wave that moves with the timezone. Imagine the effects on the inversion if the Declaration of Independence was signed in winter. I am asking everybody to teach your children the harmful effects of our actions and transcend this degenerating and pointless tradition.

-Brad Smith, Boise

River Prohibition

In the 1920's, there was a little thing called prohibition. Maybe some of you have heard of it. They passed an amendment to the Constitution and everything. It was intended to cure all social ailments. They called it "The Noble Experiment," and they proved one thing-America likes its booze and no one can take that away. In addition to speakeasies, the American populus came up with countless innovative ways to circumvent the law. They used hip flasks, false books, coconut shells and garden hoses to transport illegal liquor. One man was even caught hustling liquor over the border in two boxes of eggs: He had drained the eggs and refilled them with liquor. That man, I'm proud to say, was my great grandfather, a freedom fighter in his own right.

Following in his footsteps is me, self-appointed crusader for the right to drink alcohol on the Boise River. I've been floating the Boise every summer for as long as I can remember; I do drink. I usually finish a beer before the first waterfall, another before the second. This is because I don't like my beer mixed with river water. I've never urinated on Warm Springs Golf Course, I don't yell "show your tits" at every female on the river, I don't litter and even pick up the litter of others, I never drive drunk, and there are tens of thousands like me who responsibly enjoy floating the Boise with a drink, as a summer tradition.

Taking away all alcohol on the Boise River is a bad idea; it won't work, not with all the cops in the world. People will continue to drink; they will just have to get more creative. I'm sneaky; I'll have water-wings filled with beer and a snorkel full of Tequila. A ban of alcohol on the Boise River should be reconsidered. All the law will serve to do is turn otherwise law-abiding citizens into criminals.

-Brian Dearborn, Boise

get out now

If the United States doesn't begin an exit strategy immediately, I fear the whole world will end up in "The War of the Worlds." The U.S. in Iraq is wrong! Why don't our leaders see this and stop sacrificing our young people in Iraq? There is no good reason for our being there. It is time to leave Iraq in as careful and planned a way as we can. A suggestion to end this whole situation would be to send Bush and Rumsfeld in to replace the troops as they leave. I think that would change their rhetoric immediately!

-Glenn Roush,Boise

Just a Question

I'm just looking Lingo Yarns (BW, June 29, 2005), and I have to ask: If Nicholas Collias is the second-best reviewer in the country, why is he your news guy instead of the film guy? Sounds kinda counter-intuitive.

-Mary Shepherd,

Eagle

Editor's Note: For clarification, he's the second best in alternative papers under 50,000 circulation.

A Slow Mail Week

Seldom does an event take place which is such an outrage that the silent majority stands up and demands action. But the silent majority is currently demanding that something be done about Boise Weekly. Before I say anything else, let me remind Boise Weekly that its faculty for deception is so far above anyone else's, it really must be considered different in kind as well as in degree. There are two sorts of people in this world. There are those who conjure up dirt against its fellow human beings, and there are those who put the kibosh on its machinations. Boise Weekly fits neatly into the former category, of course. Boise Weekly's claims are propaganda to the point of comedy and are so easily refuted as to render them useless even as such. Never forget that and never let Boise Weekly impact public policy for years to come.

-Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator, www.pakin.org/complaint/

Mary Shepherd

Eagle, ID

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