March 30, 2005 

HORNY PSYCHIC ALIENS ARE WAITING FOR YOUR CALL

If you're bored of calling phone sex lines and psychic hot lines but your credit card still isn't maxed out, I've found the perfect new hobby for you. A company at www.TalkToAliens.com offers you the chance to beam your phone calls out into space for a mere $3.99 per minute. While not promising that your message will ever actually be heard by any aliens, the president of the company claims that a large radio receiver on a distant planet might be able to receive your calls. Less entrepreneurial-minded astronomers disagree. One astronomer estimated that the farthest a phone signal might reach and still be comprehensible is about two light-years, while the nearest star to Earth is four light-years away, adding that "I suspect that customers of this service have little hope of getting their messages across." Another astronomer said that broadcasting your calls into space is "just adding noise to the clutter." Undeterred, TalkToAliens.com is moving ahead with technology to send your e-mails, digital photos and videos into space as well. (New Scientist)

RECOMMENDED BY NONE OUT OF FIVE PLASTIC SURGEONS

Good news for those who don't have a few grand to drop on a new pair of tits. Japanese researchers have created a chewing gum which they claim can increase breast size by as much as 80 percent. "Bust-Up Gum," also known as B2Up, contains an extract from a plant called Pueraria mirifica, used by ancient Thai and Burmese cultures as a medicinal herb. According to the Japanese scientists, the plant contains chemicals called phytoestrogens-natural compounds which mimic the effects of the female sex hormone estrogen-which can improve circulation, reduce stress, fight aging, and somehow magically increase the size of a women's breasts. (BBC)

THE CASE OF THE STOLEN SPERM

A bizarre lawsuit in Chicago has been given the go-ahead by a panel of judges who agree that Richard O'Phillips will be allowed to sue a woman who he says stole his sperm in order to impregnate herself. O'Phillips claims that he had a short affair with Sharon Irons, during which they never had intercourse but engaged in oral sex three times. During one of these episodes, he says that Irons saved some of his sperm and used it to impregnate herself, resulting in the birth of what is now a 5-year-old child. Two years after the birth, Irons won a paternity suit against O'Phillips forcing him to pay $800 a month in child support. Now, O'Phillips is counter suing, claiming that Irons actions have negatively affected his ability to sleep or eat properly, and caused him "feelings of being trapped in a nightmare." The judges who agreed that his lawsuit could go ahead ruled that if his story his true, that the mother of the child used his sperm in "an unorthodox, unanticipated manner yielding extreme consequences." However, they also agreed that sperm cannot be stolen, siding with the woman's lawyer who said that "when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift - an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee...There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request." (CBS Chicago)

IN OTHER NEWS, 80 PERCENT OF TEENS CLAIM THEY DON'T LIE ON SURVEYS

A new report on teen sexual activity carried out by researchers from Yale and Columbia University has found that teens who are a part of America's "pledge abstinence" program are much more likely to engage in activities such as oral and anal sex. This study explains why teens who pledge to remain virgins until they are married have just as many sexually transmitted diseases as their peers. Nya ha! The study found that among so-called virgins, boys in the abstinence program were four times more likely to have anal sex than their normal friends, and overall, pledgers were six times more likely to have oral sex than teens who were not part of the pledge. On top of it all, the pledgers were less likely to used condoms or get tested for STDs, presumably due to their religious upbringing. Leslee Unruh, president of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse called the study "bogus," claiming that "kids who pledge abstinence are taught that any word that has 'sex' in it is considered a sexual activity...therefore oral sex is sex, and they are staying away." Yeah, right. This study is a follow up to last year's research which found that 88 percent of kids who pledge virginity until marriage end up having sex well before they've tied the knot. (AP).

Get waaaay more bizarre news at www.curioustimes.com.

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