March 9, 2005 

GEEKS OF HAZZARD • YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST FLUSH THOSE TREES DOWN THE TOILET • SPENDING HIS 15 MINUTES OF FAME IN COURT • SOME READING MATERIAL WHILE YOU WAIT FOR THE END OF THE WORLD • "I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE" FA

GEEKS OF HAZZARD

You know when those idiot grown-ups told you that no one is ever going to hand you your dream job and to stop watching TV and playing computer games? Well screw them! The slacker-couch potato-computer geeks of the world will have the last laugh when plush jobs like this one start coming along. Get this: the CMT television network is looking for a blogger to post daily updates about The Dukes of Hazzard. But wait, there's more ... this "job" is going to pay around $100,000 a year! No shit ... Check out www.cmt.com and download your job application for a position they call "Vice President of Hazzard Institute." CMT writes: "The Dukes of Hazzard is such a big show, and it's a big piece of great television, and it deserved its own dedicated professional to oversee it." No really, they really said this. Land this job and your responsibilities include watching The Dukes of Hazzard every weeknight on CMT, learning the words to the theme song "Good Ol' Boys," serve as media expert for the CMT Dukes of Hazzard Institute and be available for interviews; make appearances at special events such as Dukefest 2005 (yes, there is such a thing), and, most importantly, post daily Hazzard updates on the blog. Yeeeeee Haaaaaawwww!!!!!!

YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST FLUSH THOSE TREES DOWN THE TOILET

If necessity is the mother of invention, we'll soon have a new way to wipe our asses thanks to the environmental pressures China is facing trying to keep up with the demand for toilet paper. "We are trying to encourage the application of new materials and technologies," said Wang Yuiqin, an executive from the Shanghai Paper Trade Association, warning that rapid deforestation will destroy what's left of China's pulp industry if current usage continues. "The 140,000 tons of tissues and toilet paper Shanghai uses every year consumes some 80,000 tons of wood pulp, equal to about 300,000 tons of wood," said Wang. (Reuters)

SPENDING HIS 15 MINUTES OF FAME IN COURT

A British journalism student is planning a bizarre crime spree in America during which he will attempt to break 40 of the strangest state and town laws ever written. Richard Smith, 23, will be travelling 18,000 miles from California to Connecticut, hoping that his adventure will create enough material for his first book and perhaps some interest from a television network. The inspiration for the journey came when Smith learned there is a law in Florida which prohibits widows from parachuting on Sundays. After a bit of research on the Internet, Smith compiled his 40 favourite stupid laws and is now heading for the States. His tour of duty will include falling asleep in a cheese factory in South Dakota; playing cards against a Native American in Globe, Arizona; saying "Oh boy" in Jonesborough, Georgia; playing golf in the streets of Albany, New York; giving lighted cigars to dogs and cats in Zion, Illinois; and being seen wearing a strapless gown in Miami. (London Times)

SOME READING MATERIAL WHILE YOU WAIT FOR THE END OF THE WORLD

If you've ever wondered how close we are to the Rapture (you know, when God finally takes all those annoying fundamentalists off the planet so we can live in peace), you'll want to head over to www.raptureready.com, where they track 45 categories of news and politics to come up with their "Rapture Index," which is supposed to be an indication of how close we are to the end times. Among the categories are False Christs, Occult Activity, Satanism, Drug Abuse, Moral Standards, Globalism, Anti-Semitism, Nuclear Nations, Arms Proliferation, Mark of the Beast, the Antichrist, Famine, Drought and Plagues. At the moment, the Rapture Index is set at 153, which is relatively mild. Of course, just like trying to predict the weather, these numbers are basically useless. "You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity," states the freak who put up this Web site, "but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer. The higher the number, the faster we're moving towards the occurrence of pre-tribulation rapture."

"I READ IT ON THE INTERNET SO IT MUST BE TRUE" FACT OF THE WEEK

If you let your cat and all her offspring breed for 10 years they'll produce 80,399,780 kittens.

Get waaaay more bizarre news at www.curioustimes.com.

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