May 26—May 31 

May 26

2200 BLOCK OF PLANET-Someone steals a Toro snowblower and two car radios. The items seem unrelated, until one realizes that local radio blows.

2900 BLOCK OF LINWOOD-A cat is stolen from an unlocked home. Or maybe the cat ran away. Or maybe it's under the bed. Or in the basement. In any case, we'll dispense with the "cat burglar" joke and proceed to tonight's top story. Didja hear the one about the guy who stole a cat? No? He's being charged with a feliny. Hi-o!

16300 BLOCK OF W. MCMILLAN-Inspector Gadget bones up for summer; steals a mitre saw, pressure washer and Sears cordless drill from a business.

4100 BLOCK OF GREEN BRIAR-A local gamer can't break through the fantasy; breaks into a house and removes an xBox controller, Remington shotgun, Ruger rifle and Bushmill rifle scope.

1100 BLOCK OF SHOSHONE ST-Library audio books are stolen from a vehicle. Yup, that's right, Mr. Library Cop. Those young punks, they stole that wonderfully smutty Janet Evanovich novel ... that I checked out for a friend.

May 27

2600 BLOCK OF YAM HILL DR-An aspiring juggler steals a pair of Stihl chain saws from a car. In some countries, the authorities cut off a thief's hands for such a crime. In this case, they'll let it happen naturally.

8600 BLOCK OF W. CANTERBURY-Didja hear the one about the thief who stole a pair of license plates? If convicted, he'll have to register as a traffic offender at the DMV.

800 BLOCK OF N. 25TH ST-An amateur proctologist steals a Maglite, Leatherman and disposable camera from an unlocked vehicle. (Shudder.)

May 28

NEAR THE INTERSECTION OF JAMES AND WILEY LANES-Brand loyalty is unavoidable, both for consumers and thieves. Just ask the rube who busted into another rube's car to steal a Sony MiniDisc player and a Playstation.

4800 BLOCK OF ROSE HILL-A chatty Cathy steals a pair of cell phones, one Nokia and one Motorola, from a pair of cars on the same day. Brand loyalty is a sham.

May 29

1000 BLOCK OF GALAHAD-An HP laptop and Sony camcorder are taken from an unlocked home. They say that Mark Burnett got his start the same way.

May 30

2600 BLOCK OF BOGUS BASIN ROAD-A customer disagrees with a store's business hours; uses an "alternative schedule" to shop for a metallic blue Compaq laptop.

May 31

1900 STAYBROOK INN-A pack of cigarettes and an iPod come up missing in a local residence. Someone reports them stolen. And they'll stay that way until they show up in the laundry a week from now.

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