Minerva's Breakdown: Sins of the Mother 

Dear Minerva,

I cut my mom out of my life because she was toxic. Many family members tell me that I should make peace with her, that it's my mom. So I tried and it has just gotten worse. I recently lost my son, upon which she sent me a message: "God is punishing you for disrespecting your mom." I once again have decided to cut her from my life, yet it seems that everyone else in the family wants to pressure me to make peace with her again. Am I really a horrible person for refusing to allow her back into my life?

—Sincerely, Daughter Dearest

Dear D.D.,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son. It's very difficult to lose a child. I can only imagine what that pain must be like. The fact that your mother would have the audacity to suggest that it was a punishment to you because of your relationship with her is not only horrendous and deranged, it is abusive. You are not a horrible person for refusing to allow her back into your life. You are a strong person for laying down that boundary and not just allowing her to treat you like garbage. Your mother needs to realize that being in your life is a privilege and she has to live by certain rules of appropriate behavior in order to be a part of it. Protect yourself until she is ready to act like a mother and a caring adult human.

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